Unbroken: Shattered Hope
by gothgirl4god
Summary: Dr. Spencer Reid and JJ, get kidnapped by two UnSubs, who are demanding classified information. Spencer and JJ have to find ways to survive until the BAU can find them. But will they make it in time? This story will focus on Spencer & JJ's time while they are kidnapped. It will also focus on everything that happens after they are rescued. Rated: M for topics of Trauma.
1. Chapter 1

Dr. Spencer Reid's head was spiraling out of control. The last thing he remembered was being locked in a room that was filled with a gas that knocked him unconscious. He tried to break the window right before that moment, hoping to get fresh air; But he passed out before he could. He could hear his pulse in his head. He could feel metal cuffs around his wrists. His eyes were heavy, and he struggled to wake up. While he tried to open his eyes, his brain started to rapidly process information of his surroundings. When he first woke up, he could only keep his eyes open for a few seconds at a time. But as he became more conscious and aware he returned back to a normal state of mind.

 _ _Okay. Calm down. Think. I'm in a concrete room, and it feels cold. I might be underground; or in a location that often has cold weather. Which doesn't really help narrow it down. There are hundreds of locations or places I could be.__

He felt his back against the wall and he was sitting on the floor. The entire room was made of concrete. The room was almost completely bare. The only things he could see were the chains bolted into the walls, two large hooks that were dangling from the ceiling; that were placed a few feet apart, and a single chair in the corner. There was a single folded blanket on the chair, and a bowl of water. The only window in the room was the one on the huge steel door on the other side of his stone prison. His mind started racing.

 _ _Why was I taken? I'm not rich, and I don't really own anything of great value. I'm not important enough to be taken hostage for large sums of money, and I'm not that useful unless it involves my brain. So why me? What do they want with me? Did a past criminal I help put away kidnap me to get revenge on the BAU? Or am I a victim of random opportunity?__

He tried to move, but his cuffs were attached to the chains that were bolted into the wall. Drat. He was left alone in the room for awhile. In that time he tried to keep calm. He needed to be clear and level headed for whatever he was about to live through. He was still wearing his work clothes. A long white button-down shirt, tie and jeans. He normally wore causal dress pants, but Morgan talked him into wearing jeans for Causal Friday. He was wearing his sneakers, but they must have been removed by his kidnappers, because both his socks and shoes were nowhere in sight. He was glad that he got a hair-cut recently. Shorter hair would be more challenging to grab a hold of. It was shorter on the sides and slightly longer on the top. His hair had a slight curl towards the tips of his hair. The last thing he needed was to be dragged by his hair.

Then the steel door opened and a man in a white lab coat walked in. His eyes lit up at the sight of Spencer. He seemed… way to cheery for the current situation. Spencer started profiling him as he started talking to Spencer.

"Ah. Dr. Spencer Reid! I'm so glad you were finally able to join us!" Okay. So not random. I was a specific target. Spencer spoke to the man.

"What do you want with me? Why am I here?"

The man made a clicking sound with his tongue as he waved his finger at Spencer.

"Oh no, no, no, no, ; My dear Spencer. You will not be asking the questions here. You see, That's my job."

The man in white lab coat waved someone into the room. He was wearing all black. The man in the lab coat spoke once more.

"However it's my friend's job to inflict pain on you, if you decide to refuse to cooperate and answer those questions." He smiled. The man in all black unhooked the chain that was attached to his cuffs and hauled him to his feet by his shirt. Spencer was forced out of the room. Spencer tried to fight the man, but he was much stronger than him, and was able to overpower him by slamming him into the concrete wall. It knocked the air out of Spencer. This is where having physical strength would be helpful. Spencer's mind was busy trying to make deductions about this new unsub. He tried to profile as much as he could while he was being pushed into another concrete room next door. He was suspended from the ceiling by the tight cuffs around his wrists; which was attached to a hook hanging from the ceiling. He was hanging by his wrists and his toes were just barely able to touch the cold ground. He felt scared. The man in all black cut off his shirt and tie. Spencer began to beg and try to reason with the man.

"Please. Don't do this. If you let me go, I promise I won't tell anyone where you are. I swear." Spencer's chest was exposed along with his arms. He felt a chill around him. His jeans were left on. Thank God. Then the man in the white lab coat came into the room. He sat down on a chair, with a clipboard, paper, and a pen. The man in the white lab coat seemed older than the other man. Spencer could tell they were both older than him, and he noticed that the man in the lab coat seemed to be in charge. Or at least the brains of this operation. However the man in all black seemed to be the one doing the dirty work. He would be the one torturing him, and if Spencer had to guess: He would assume that the man in the lab coat wouldn't touch him at all. He was above that sort of thing. The man clicked his pen, ready to write notes and began to speak.

"Okay. Time to begin. There is a secret base with hundreds of deadly viruses and other bio chemicals. We want to know the name and exact location of this base." The man in the white lab coat spoke to him while the man in all black grabbed a knife from the wall. Spencer felt scared. But spoke calmly: While keeping eye contact with the man in the lab coat. "Why do you want to know?" The man grinned with a flash of anger in his eyes. But he spoke calmly as the man in all black stood next to him.

"Ah ah ah, Spencer. What did we talk about? I ask the questions, and you answer. That's for us to know, and you to tell."

"No. I'm not going to tell you that. If I did I would be breaking the oath I made to this country." Spencer said calmly.

The man in the white lab coat turned to the man with the knife; and said: "Do it." The man in all black clothing came toward him with the knife. Spencer felt his heart skip a beat. His breathing became slightly rapid as panic overwhelmed him.

 _ _Oh God. Here it comes.__

He thought. As he closed his eyes and braced himself. He felt terrified.

 _ _Calm down. Breathe. Don't think about the knife or the pain.__

The knife was pushed into his arm, and dragged down through him to make a painful cut. He screamed in agony as the cut was made, while his body tensed up.

 _ _Oh God! Make it stop! I don't want this.__

The man pulled the knife out of his arm. Spencer was gasping for air.

 _ _Okay. Breathe. The BAU is looking for me right now. They are going to find me. I just need to hold out until then.__

The man in the lab coat spoke once again. But he didn't speak to him. He spoke to his partner.

"Not so deep. We want to torture him. Not kill him." Then he turned back to Spencer.

"Okay. Next question."

A hour and a half went by. During that time he was asked to reveal government secrets, and give them classified information, which he refused to give. He knew that if he gave them any of the information they wanted: hundreds, or possibly thousands of lives would be endangered; and judging by the information they wanted: Most of those people would end up dying.

Each time he said no, he was given another painful cut. The torture was brutal and more painful then he could even imagine. He counted each cut that was carved into his body, while he screamed. 40 cuts total were made on his arms, his chest, and his torso. He hated every moment. He couldn't stand it, but he forced himself to hold out.

 _ _OH GOD! MAKE IT STOP! I don't want this.__

He thought to himself desperately as silent tears fell from his eyes. He tried to remain quiet. To just let his body do what it needed to survive this. He screamed through every cut. But there were times where he couldn't help himself from begging.

"No! Don't! Please… stop. Just stop."

The man in the white lab coat spoke to Spencer as he slowly bled.

"You know that won't happen unless you tell us what we want to know."

The man with the knife was being very careful to make sure the cuts were painful, but not fatal. He had no idea how much he could take, but he would do whatever it took to keep breathing.

After that hour and a half, the man in the lab coat left the room and closed the door. The man in all black started removing Spencer's pants. His heart nearly stopped.

"No. Don't! Please, don't do this!" He begged. He was drained and exhausted. He felt terrified. The man ignored his pleads. He stripped Spencer nude and opened the cuffs around his wrists. He begged the man to stop, as he was laid stomach down and bent over a crate. He wanted to fight him. But he was too weak from the torture.

"No. Don't! Just cut me again instead!" He started to cry silently as he whimpered.

"I - don't - want this."

The man removed his own pants. Spencer felt terrified. Then suddenly the man forced himself upon Spencer. Spencer screamed in pain. He didn't even have time to brace himself. He was vaguely aware of himself screaming at the man: "STOP! OH GOD! STOP! IT HURTS!" He felt his voice break. The rest was a painful blur. He screamed the entire time as his brain tried to desperately block out what was happening to him. He dug his nails into his palm. Everything hurt. He cried as the man took away his innocence.

He endured a half hour before the man finally stopped. The man moved away from Spencer. He rolled off the crate and hit the ground hard. He was gasping for air as the man starting putting his own pants back on. His cheeks were wet from countless tears. He fell silent. He saw a little blood on the palm of his hand from him digging his nails into his hand a little too hard. He was in hell. He tried to block out his panicked thoughts as the man put Reid's underwear back on him. He put Spencer's pants back on him as well. Spencer couldn't move. Everything hurt so bad. The man carried him back to the concrete room next door, and laid him on the floor in the corner. He didn't even bother chaining him to the wall. He was too weak to fight or even try to escape. The man placed the bowl of water next to him, and left. The steel door shut and locked behind him. For a long time Spencer just cried. He cried so hard it physically hurt. His body was slightly shaking. He didn't even bother to try to move. He was in so much pain. He was physically exhausted. He wanted to die. He wanted to close his eyes and and never wake up. At one point he forced himself to sit up, he moved slowly. His face twisted in pain. He ran out of tears. So he forced himself to drink the water. Then he passed out.


	2. Chapter 2

9 hours later

He was woken up by the sound of a woman crying. He slowly opened his eyes as he heard a struggle in the hall. The steel door opened and she was pushed into the room so hard she fell.

"No!" She screamed at the man. Her long blond hair covered her face. He just sat still. He stared at her. His throat hurt so bad from screaming so much the day before. Then he saw her lift her head. His heart stopped.

"JJ?" He said her name. He couldn't believe she was here. She looked at him.

"Spence? Oh my God! What happened to you?" She got up and went to his side. She saw cuts all over his body. She could see how puffy his eyes were from crying. She could tell he went through hell. He stared at the wall. She went to touch his shoulder. He flinched ever so slightly at her touch. "Spence?"

He looked at her. "They wanted me to tell them - government secrets. They tortured me for saying no." JJ looked at him.

"Oh my God, Spence. I'm so sorry." Reid closed his eyes and said weakly.

"It's okay. It's not your fault." He paused for a moment, then asked her.

"Are the others okay? Are they safe?" JJ nodded.

"Yes. They are okay. We have been trying to find you Spencer. As soon as we realized you were kidnapped." Spencer opened his eyes and said:

"I promise I won't let them hurt you."

JJ looked stunned. "What?"

Spencer looked at her with those sad eyes and said.

"JJ, they brought you here in hope you would give them the information I wouldn't give them. They will torture you if they decide to question you."

She looked scared and worried. She should be.

"But I promise I wont let them hurt you the way they hurt me." He said to her.

"What? Spence! I can't let you go through hell, just to protect me. I can handle it."

She responded in a panic. Spencer shook his head.

"No JJ. I can't let you do that. I've already been tortured once. Another time won't kill me." Well, at least he hoped not. He wasn't completely sure he would survive. But if it meant protecting JJ, he would find a way to keep breathing. Before JJ could argue back, the steel door opened and JJ jumped.

"Alright sweetheart, It's time to party. Hopefully you'll be a bit more helpful than your friend here." The man in the lab coat said with a smile. Spencer spoke up immediately.

"No. Don't! Take me instead! She doesn't know anything. But I do. I know lots, I have a eidetic memory. Which means my brain can hold massive amounts of information and in very precise detail. I also can't forget anything. So your best chance for any information is me." The man in the lab coat smirked. The man in all black was behind him and stared at Spencer. He smiled when Spencer said he couldn't forget anything. Spencer refused to look him in the eye.

The man in the lab coat stopped him. "Alright Spencer, I'll tell you what. I'm still gonna ask Miss. Jennifer Jareau questions, If she refuses to answer them. You'll be tortured in her place. While she watches."

A beat went by. "Deal." Spencer said. JJ was grabbed and pushed into the room next door. The man in all black grabbed Reid who was still too weak to walk. At first he tried to drag him, but once he saw him struggling to walk, he carried him instead. They put him in the cuffs once again. His wrists were already rubbed raw from the first time. His body was still in a lot of pain from the day before. They suspended Spencer from the hook hanging from the ceiling again. They tied JJ to a chair. The man in black grabbed some sort of torture device. He couldn't see what because the man in all black was behind him. JJ looked nervous. They were facing each other. Spencer looked at her and said.

"Don't tell them anything. No matter what. Okay?"

He dreaded the torture he was about to go through. He hated the fact that JJ would be watching him be brutally tortured. He didn't like the idea of her watching him scream. Or cry. He took a deep breath as the man in the lab coat, pulled up a chair next to JJ and asked her the location of the base with the bio chemicals and viruses. She looked at the man in the lab coat and said simply:

"That's classified information." She glanced at Spencer and silently prayed for him. He braced himself and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath to try to calm himself down.

 _ _It'll be okay. Just breathe. Don't think about who's watching or who can hear you. You can get through this.__

The man gave him a hard painful lash with a whip. Spencer cried out in pain as the whip cut opened his back. He could tell there was small pieces of glass woven into the tip of the whip. The pain came so suddenly that his body actually went limp for a moment. His throat hurt from screaming. He was hanging from his wrists as he took deep ragged breaths. His body swayed for a moment. Then he wrapped his fingers around the chains attached to his wrists, and was able to find his footing and pull himself to a standing position. He felt his back start to bleed. JJ was asked another question. She answered slowly.

"I can't tell you that." Spencer could hear the pain in her voice. He could tell she was holding back tears. He wrapped his fingers tighter around the chain, trying to prepare for the next lash. Which came down hard on his back. He screamed. His head was spinning, the pain was brutal. His back was going to be covered in cuts after this. He heard JJ yell at the man.

"Stop it! Your killing him!" She couldn't get out of the chair. Spencer was breathing heavily. He was just barely able to speak. "I'm - fine." His voice was quiet and choppy. "I'm…okay." The man in the lab coat spoke to JJ.

"You know, he doesn't have to go through this. You can end his suffering… All you have to do is tell us what we need to know." JJ looked at him with a icy cold glare.

"I am not the source of his suffering. I am not the one who is putting him through hours of agonizing torture. I'm not the one holding a knife or even a whip. So how could I possibly end his suffering, when I'm not the one causing it to begin with?"

The man in the lab coat gave a evil grin.

"No. You have the power to stop what is happening to him."

The man in all black gave Spencer another lash. CRACK

He yelled out in pain.

"You think we are in control, but in reality…your the one with the control."

CRACK. Another scream came from Spencer. He wanted to pass out.

"Doing nothing to save your friend, makes you just as bad as us. The only difference is your not holding the knife."

CRACK. Spencer received another bad lash. He groaned loudly as his face twisted in pain. JJ teared up as Spencer used breathing techniques to try to cope with the pain. His breath was shaky. JJ stayed quiet. She didn't want Spencer getting anymore lashes than he was already going to receive. She didn't know how many questions she would be asked. But she knew she couldn't tell them anything.

JJ refused to answer every question she was asked. Each time she said no, Spencer was given two more ugly lashes. His body shook from the pain. He screamed through some of the lashes, other times he grunted and moaned in pain while remaining quiet.

JJ couldn't stand watching Spencer going through so much. He kept his eyes closed most of the time. There were moments where he looked up, and opened his eyes to look at JJ. He couldn't keep his eyes opened long, before he needed to close them and hang his head once again. She could tell he couldn't take much more.

It was a hour and 43 minutes into this interrogation before they finally reached the last question. Instead of answering she just shook her head crying. Then Spencer was given 3 more hard lashes as he screamed loudly. His body went limp once again. He was gasping for air. He was just able to lift his head and look at JJ. His vision was blurry. He was on the verge of passing out. JJ was untied and she rushed over to Spencer and gave him a big hug. She made sure to be careful with his wounds on his back. He moaned lightly then mumbled the words.

"How much blood… did I lose?" She looked at the blood on the ground under him as she let go of him. "A little more than a liter." JJ answered, trying to be as precise and accurate as possible. She knew that he wanted to know how much exactly. JJ was grabbed by the man in all black clothing and was taken to the other room and then he returned to take care of Spencer. Then Reid was unhooked from his cuffs and he collapsed into the man's arms. He was caught just in time. He had to be dragged into the other room where JJ was. He was just laid on the ground in the middle of the room. He was ready to pass out from the pain and blood loss. He was laying on his side. He felt sick. He couldn't move. JJ rushed over to him and sat down next to him. She was crying.

"Spence! Hey, look at me! Open your eyes. I'm so sorry." She was gently holding his head in her hands. She gently caressed his face to try to sooth him. His back was still bleeding slowly. He lost too much blood for comfort.

"Spence? Can you hear me? Say something sweetheart." She said calmly. His eyes opened slightly for a second. He spoke in a whisper.

"I'm - okay." His breathing was a bit shaky. His eyes closed again. Suddenly the door opened. The man in all black clothing pulled JJ away from Spencer. She tried to fight him. "No! Don't hurt him!" The man in the lab coat moved next to Spencer and sprayed his entire with something. Spencer was so weak and his throat hurt so bad from screaming. He groaned loudly in pain as he dug his nails into his palm once again. His back felt like it was on fire. It hurt like hell. He looked at JJ as he breathed through the pain. JJ spoke frantically:

"What is that? What are you doing to him!?"

The man in all black spoke for the first time.

"He's cleaning his wounds. If they aren't treated he could die. It will also prevent him from bleeding out."

JJ stared at Spencer, as he breathed slowly, as his body slightly shook. He stayed as still as he could. The man in the lab coat layered his back with gauze. After the man in the lab coat was done, they moved Spencer into the corner and leaned him against the wall. Once the men left, JJ grabbed the cover from the chair and wrapped it around Spencer.

"Here." She said. He thanked her, as he pulled it a little tighter around him. He slowly passed out. JJ sat against the other wall, as she carefully kept a watchful eye on Spencer. She didn't blame him for passing out. He must be exhausted after all of that. She kept herself calm for a few hours, before falling asleep herself.


	3. Chapter 3

9 hours later.

Spencer started to wake up. He was still in a lot of pain. But it was a little more bearable now. JJ was sleeping, or at least resting. He didn't want to bother her, and he really wasn't in a talking mood. He did study her carefully from afar though. He was making sure there wasn't any cut marks, bruises, or burns on her. He was trying to make sure she wasn't tortured while he was sleeping.

But he didn't see any. He sighed in relief. Good. Then the man in all black opened the door. Before Spencer could even say anything, he was hauled into the other room. He put Spencer's wrists in the cuffs and suspended him from the hook once again. But instead of torturing him, he stripped him nude for a second time.

Spencer tried to reason with him. "No. Please don't do this." He begged the man. But he wouldn't listen. Instead he was released from the cuffs and bent over the crate once again. He felt himself start to cry. "I don't want this." But then he just fell silent and shut his eyes. He braced himself for what was about to happen. The moment it started he screamed in pain.

"NO! STOP. Oh God!"

He tried to remind himself to breathe, to stay strong. But it was hard to keep his mind clear. He kept screaming. "STOP! It hurts!" He was in agony. He tried to fight the man, but he was too weak, and the man just hurt him more. He dug his nails into his palm once again and tears ran down his face. When his throat burned too much from screaming, he moaned loudly in pain. He begged the man to stop. So many times. In that moment: Spencer wanted to die. He wanted the pain to go away. His mind was trying everything it could to block out what was happening to him. But it didn't work. He screamed in pain the rest of the time. Til the man finally stopped. Spencer fell to the ground once again. He was breathing hard. He forced himself to speak.

"You - are - a piece- of worthless - trash." His voice shook with pain and rage, as the man put his own pants back on.

"When my team - finds me- and they will - find me. You will end up in prison. And when you become somebody's bitch, and get raped yourself. I hope you think of me. As you scream in pain, I hope you remember this moment, and remember that I was laughing at your pain."

Spencer forced himself to laugh at the man who just hurt him. He tried to sound joyful. Happy. The man kicked him hard in the gut. He groaned in pain. Then said.

"You know why your mad? Cause you know I'm right."

JJ jolted awake to Spencer screaming in agony. "Spence?!" She heard him begging the man in the room next door:

"NO! STOP! Oh God." She heard his voice break. He screamed again.

"STOP! It hurts!"

A hour went by before Spencer stopped screaming. JJ cried while she listened to Spencer.

The pain was overwhelming. He felt dirty. He felt disgusting. He felt used. He hated himself. He was in so much pain that he couldn't even move. He stayed still as the man put his underwear and pants back on him. The good part was that JJ was still safe. He hoped the BAU would find them soon. If they hurried, maybe she could be spared from this pain. He felt himself shaking. The man in all black carried him to the other room, he sat him in the corner of the room, away from JJ. He was leaning against the wall. He looked at JJ. His breathing was still slightly rapid. He was trying to calm himself down and get his body to stop working in overdrive. Then the man grabbed JJ by her wrists and pulled her to her feet and started pushing her towards the door. Reid's heart stopped.

"No. Don't! Don't hurt her! Stop!" He tried to move so he could stop him. But the moment he tried he fell over on his side in agony. He was too weak and in too much pain to move. He watched JJ being pulled out of the room.

"JJ! I'm sorry! I'll -" He yelled to her, but the steel door slammed shut, before he could finish. He realized there was a secondary motive for the man raping him a second time. The man needed to be sure Spencer was too weak to stop him. He knew Spencer would try to stop him from taking JJ. The man raping him was a full proof plan to make sure he was in too much pain to move.

The next hour and a half, he listened to JJ's screams. It broke his heart. At one point he screamed loud enough for them to hear him.

"BASTARDS! I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL! I HOPE YOUR TORTURED BY THE DEVIL HIMSELF!"

He hurt his throat yelling so loud. But he didn't regret it. They deserved it. After a hour and a half they carried JJ back into the room. They sat her against the wall. She had cuts all over her arms. He saw them on her collarbone, and he knew there were more on her skin under her tank top, that he couldn't see. She had a black eye as well. She slowly pulled her knees in close to her body and buried her face in her knees and cried. She wrapped her arms around her legs as she cried. Spencer looked at her. The steel door shut once again.

"JJ, I'm so sorry, I couldn't stop him. Are you okay?" Spencer said in a calm tone.

She shook her head, not bothering to look up. She answered him softly.

"It's not your fault, Spence."

He could hear the pain in her voice. He slowly crawled over to her, bringing the cover with him. It was quite painful to move. But he managed. Once he got to her, he wrapped the cover around her. She pulled it tightly around her. He felt a bit dizzy from all the moving he had just done. Then he asked her:

"JJ, do you want to talk about it?" She looked at him, still crying. "No." Her voice shook as she spoke. Tears running down her face. He wiped her tears away gently. He treated her as if she was a beautiful glass doll. Something fragile, that needed to be handled carefully because she could easily break.

"Yeah, me either. But I think it would help if we did. Might help us process everything?" Spencer said. Looking away from her. His hands were shaking slightly. JJ was still crying. Spencer was tearing up too.

"JJ, I'm sorry, he hurt you. I'm sorry I couldn't stop him. The least I can do, is try to help you work through all the things I know your feeling." He spoke as calmly as he could. JJ looked at him in tears.

"Spencer, what he did was unspeakable. I don't think I could talk about it even if I wanted to. It's too painful." She said. Spencer nodded slowly. "Did he… do what I think he did to you? The same thing he did to me?" Spencer had tears running down his face as he spoke. He couldn't look at JJ. She continued to cry as she answered.

"Yes. He did."

"JJ. I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you. That I couldn't save you." His voice broke right at the end of that sentence. She shook her head. He knew she was in a lot of pain right now. Right after rape, is typically the most painful time for the victim. Depending on how bad it is, you could still in agonizing pain for hours, or even a whole day. He knew from personal experience. He was still in pain. But he knew hers was much worse. He then spoke softly to her.

"I think the BAU is getting close to finding us." She looked at him. "What makes you say that?" She asked. He kept his voice low.

"The time between torture sessions has rapidly decreased. Why now? Before it was 8 hours apart. Now it's a half hour apart. It's become very rushed. Like their trying to do as much damage as they can in a short amount of time. Which means…"

She finished his sentence. "They feel like someone is closing in." Her heart skipped a beat. "How long do you think it'll be?" Spencer shrugged as he looked toward the steel door.

"I'm not sure. If I'm right about this, it'll probably be soon." JJ looked at him.

"How do you know?" He answered.

"Because the man dressed in all black clothing is coming down the hall right now to torture me." He stared at the door as he could hear footsteps slowly getting closer. JJ looked at him in fear.

"Spence, another session like that could kill you!" He looked at her.

"I know. Which is why I need you to keep me alive, when I get back. Keep me breathing till the team gets here. Okay?" He told her. He felt tired and scared. But he knew he could hold out long enough. Well, at least he hoped so. She nodded slowly. She wasn't sure she could. She was worried. And as if on cue, the steel door opened, and the man in all black, and the man in the lab coat came in.

The man in all black pulled Spencer to his feet. But instead of dragging him to the other room, he put the cuffs on his wrists and suspended him from the hook, right in that room. Spencer felt a shift in the unsub's behavior. He had a very bad feeling about this. Something was off.

The man in all black picked up a hot piece of metal. He moved toward Spencer. He braced himself. Trying to breathe slowly to calm himself down. He told himself to stay strong. JJ yelled at the man. "Why are you doing this?" He never answered her. He pushed the hot metal against Spencer's skin. He screamed in pain, as he was burned. The pain came so fast. It was like going from 0 to 100 in 3 seconds. It was brutal. He pulled the metal away from Spencer. It hurt like hell. His breathing was ragged.

He burned Spencer again and again. Over and over. Each time Spencer screamed in agony. 30 minutes into this session, he switched to using a knife.

 _ _Oh God. Please, make it stop. I can't handle anymore. It's too much. I don't want this.__

He thought desperately. JJ saw it in the man's eyes. He was going to kill Spencer. She held her breath. He started making deep cuts into Spencer's body. He yelled out in pain through each moment. He screamed through each and every cut. He could tell the cuts were deeper than before. The man in the white lab coat had to tell the man in all black to make sure the cuts weren't too deep. Spencer felt like he couldn't take anymore. He felt dizzy. He was losing a lot of blood. He realized, it was gonna be a lot harder than he thought to stay alive long enough for the BAU to save him. It would take a lot more than the desire to keep breathing to stay alive. Because continuing to breathe, is not the same as staying alive.

Another half hour went by before he took Spencer off the hook. He sat him against the wall. Spencer was gasping for air. His body was exhausted from all the torture. The man in all black clothing, put his left hand on Spencer's right shoulder as he held the knife in his right hand. He looked straight into Spencer's eyes and said:

"Who's - laughing - now?"

Then he pushed the knife deep into his gut. Spencer's eyes went wide as his mouth opened, and gasped painfully. He groaned in pain. It hurt like hell. He felt the knife being pushed a little deeper into his body. He yelled out. He started gagging. He shut his eyes tightly as the man smiled and twisted the knife a little deeper. He screamed. He was in agony. He could feel his entire body going into overdrive. His thoughts were scattered. He can't die. Not now. Not in front of JJ.


	4. Chapter 4

JJ screamed as she saw him stab Spencer. "NO!" She was crying. They heard a bang upstairs. A voice yelled: "FBI!" A minute later the house was flooded by police officers. Suddenly Morgan, Hotch, Emily, and Rossi came into the room. Rossi grabbed the man in the lab coat, and pushed him to a police officer. "Get him out of here!" The cop grabbed him, cuffed him and started walking him out while telling him his rights. Morgan pulled the man in all black off Spencer and pushed him to a officer. "Take him away!" Emily rushed to JJ. Morgan rushed to Spencer.

"Spencer! Spencer! Hey, I need you to look at me. Open your eyes!" He held Spencer in his arms. He could see how deep the knife was in Spencer's body. He wanted to pull it out. But he didn't. If he did Spencer would bleed out, right now the knife was blocking most of the blood flow. Spencer's face twisted in pain as he gagged lightly. A little blood dripping from his mouth. Spencer opened his eyes to look at Morgan.

Spencer could barely speak but said in a choppy voice: "It - hurts."

Morgan responded: "I know, kid. Just breathe. Your gonna be okay. I need you to keep your eyes open, okay?" Morgan looked at Hotch. "Hotch!" Hotch went over to Spencer and spoke to him. "Reid. I need you to stay with me, Okay?" He yelled over his shoulder. "We need a medic! Get a medic in here now!"

Spencer was in so much pain. He was trying to breathe, but the blood was slowly filling up his lungs and it made it difficult. He was groaning loudly in pain. Then he said: "I - don't- want- to die." He barely got the words out as tears ran down his face. He coughed up a little blood. Closing his eyes. Morgan spoke to him. "Shh. Don't try to talk."

Hotch grabbed Spencer's hand. "Your not gonna die, Spencer. Open your eyes. I need you to look at me." Spencer was in agony. He could feel himself fading a little. He couldn't open his eyes. "Spencer! Hang in there. Squeeze my hand if you can hear me." He gave Hotch's hand a little squeeze.

Rossi went over to JJ. Emily was talking to her. "Are you okay?" JJ nodded. "I'm fine. It's Spencer I'm worried about." They heard Spencer moan loudly in pain. Emily nodded. "Hotch and Morgan are with him. Can you walk?" JJ shook her head. "No it's too painful." A officer yelled into the room. "Two medic teams just arrived one is coming down now." Rossi carried JJ to one of the ambulances, which then started taking her to the hospital.

Spencer was having trouble breathing. Another tear ran down his face. He felt lightheaded. Morgan and Hotch kept talking to him. "Come on kid. Hold on! Stay with us. We're getting you help." Hotch put some pressure on the wound around the knife, to help stop the bleeding. Spencer yelled out. He spoke in a choppy voice, struggling to speak. "Don't! It - still - hurts!"

Hotch yelled out. "Where's the damn medic?!" Then they suddenly rushed into the room. Hotch moved away. They spoke to Morgan. "Sir, please move. We got him." Morgan let go of Spencer. Spencer's head was spinning, he felt Morgan move away, he panicked as the medics laid him flat on his back. "No! Don't - leave - me!" He yelled to Morgan.

Morgan crouched down next to Spencer. "It's okay, I'm right here kid. I'm not going anywhere." The medics told Spencer not to talk. Then Spencer's heart stopped. He wasn't breathing. The medics frantically worked on Spencer to get him stable. One medic inserted a long needle in Spencer above his ribs and lungs and sucked out the liquid in his lungs. Then another medic gave him CPR, and then gave him a shock with a AED. He didn't wake up. They did CPR again, and another shock. Then suddenly he jerked awake, coughing and gasping for air. It was all so painful. They got him in a stretcher and moved him into the ambulance. Morgan rode with Spencer to the hospital. On the way there, the medics used 3 syringes to suck up the liquid filling up in Spencer's lungs. Spencer kept fading in and out of consciousnesses. They gave him a breathing mask. Morgan stayed with Spencer. He was so worried. He could see Spencer's entire body was covered in cuts and burns. What the hell happened to him and JJ? When they got to the hospital, they rushed Spencer into surgery.

Morgan was waiting for over 4 hours. In that time he was able to see JJ. She needed a lot of stitches. But she was okay. Slowly over time, the other BAU members came. Emily talked to JJ, who recalled everything that happened to her. She told her how she was kidnapped, and thrown into a room with Spencer, who had cuts all over him. She retold everything that she could remember, as detailed as she could. She told Emily about how Spencer made a promise to protect her, and how he made a deal to take her place, so she wouldn't be tortured. How he was whipped, and given numerous lashes. How they tended his wounds. How she woke up to Spencer screaming. How she listened to his screams for over a hour. She told them how she was tortured and raped for a hour and a half. About how Spencer comforted her, and wiped away her tears. She told them about how he knew the BAU was getting close to finding them. How he said they were coming to hurt him, and that he knew he would have to stay alive long enough to be rescued. About the last time Spencer was tortured. Emily found it hard to listen. She knew it was hard for JJ as well. Emily told the other BAU members what happened.

They all waited in the waiting room for news about Spencer. JJ was sleeping, so they left her alone to rest. After waiting a total of 5 hours, they finally got word on Spencer. The doctor came over to them. "I'm Dr. Apple: Are you guys here for Spencer Reid?" They all nodded and said yes. Hotch spoke up. "How is he?"

Dr. Apple took a deep breath.

"We finished surgery about a half hour ago. It took longer than normal: He kept shifting in and out of critical condition. His heart stopped twice during surgery. But we were able to revive him both times. He needed a lot of stitches. We had to give him a blood transfusion, because he lost so much. He was dehydrated, and malnourished. Countless deep cuts. He also had 3rd degree burns. We also gave him a thorough examination; and we found evidence of rape. It happened twice, at least. Honestly I've never seen a worse case of torture or abuse. His injures were severe. But he's okay for now."

Morgan looked at the doctor. "For now? What do you mean, for now?" He tried to speak as calmly as he could. "Spencer seems to be in a coma like state. You have to understand he went through a major trauma, and his injuries were the worse I've seen in a long time. We are unsure if he will wake up at all. His condition is uncertain. You all need to be prepared for the possibility that he might not make it. However he is very strong, and is a fighter. If he wakes up, I'm sure he'll make a full recovery."

Dr. Apple said. They all had a moment of silence. They all felt worried. "Can we see him?" Emily asked. Dr. Apple nodded. "Yes, you can. He's asleep, but you may see him. He is in room 304."

They gave a small smile and headed to see Spencer. On the way they split into two groups: Hotch, Morgan and Penelope visited Spencer. While Rossi, and Emily visited JJ. When Gideon showed up he visited with JJ first. He basically joined Rossi's group. After sometime the groups switched. So Rossi, Emily, and Gideon visited Spencer. And Morgan, Hotch, and Garcia visited JJ.

They all saw Spencer in the same condition. He was laying in bed, asleep. He had a breathing mask on, a IV, a heart monitor, and had bandages all over his, back, arms, and side. There were smaller bandages placed other places too. He was paler than normal and It broke their hearts. Everyone's reaction was slightly different.


	5. Chapter 5

Morgan was angry. After all those bastards did to Reid, and JJ. He was ready to rain hell upon their lives. JJ was one of the sweetest people he knew. Spencer was just a kid. A innocent soul. They never did anything to deserve this. How could God allow this to happen? Why didn't he protect them? If he is out there, why didn't he stop those men from hurting Spencer and JJ? Why couldn't he protect Spencer and JJ? They needed him, and he let them down. He knew there was no way of knowing that this would happen to Spencer and JJ. There was no threats made, no prior warning. No way he could have know it would happen. But it did, and now Spencer is in bad shape. JJ was still in shock, and the entire BAU could feel each others pain.

Emily felt guilty. She felt like she could have stopped it. Prevented this from happening somehow. She kept thinking maybe if she invited Spencer out to dinner after the case they worked on, he may have not been kidnapped. Like they almost always go out to dinner after a long case. The whole BAU. Why didn't they do that this time? Or maybe she could have offered JJ to stay at her place. But then she wondered if she could have saved them both. Or would she only be able to spare one of them from suffering? She thought to herself, that JJ would have died if Spencer wasn't there. But yet, JJ gave Spencer a reason to keep fighting. In the end, she understood that she would never understand why things turned out this way. But she was glad they were safe now.

Hotch was worried more than anything else. He had a feeling Spencer would be okay. But there was also a chance he could still die. He worried about Spencer's physical condition. But he also worried about his mental health. Spencer went through horrors he couldn't even imagine. His physical condition was in rough shape, and Hotch couldn't ignore that fact, no matter how much he tried. Hotch knew more than the others, about how much risk Spencer was in. But Hotch also knew that Reid could pull through this. The road to recovery would be a long one if he woke up. When he wakes up. But inside he was rooting for Spencer. They all were.

Penelope felt stunned and sad. She was stunned because she is still shocked that Spencer and JJ were kidnapped to begin with. She was sad because of what they went through. She felt her heart break as she sat next to Spencer. She knew she could never be a field agent. However, what JJ and Spencer went through was much different. They weren't hurt during a case, or even on a job. They were taken out of their homes, because of their job. They were tortured. It hurt her to know how much pain they went through. She could almost feel the pain herself. She prayed Spencer would be okay. She wondered if the angels were watching out for him right now.

Gideon felt bad for Spencer. He always felt close to Spencer. He was almost like a son to him. He was always very proud of Spencer. Of his skills and talents, and also who he was as a person. It filled his heart with sorrow when he heard what happened. He knew Spencer was lucky to be alive, after all him and JJ went through. He also got to catch up with the other members of the BAU. He knew JJ was in a lot of pain too. He wanted to do everything he could to help support both JJ and Spencer in their time of need. He also wondered if Spencer was still playing chess. Has he been improving? Could Spencer beat him in a game? Gideon hoped that he would get to find out.

Rossi was confused. He still didn't understand why they took Spencer and JJ to begin with. He didn't understand why they asked for the information they wanted. What was their plan if they did get that knowledge? He was concerned about Spencer's well being. He went through a lot just to keep JJ alive. He wasn't saying that because she was weak. He was saying that because he knew that if JJ was tortured as much as Reid was, she would have most likely died. The unsubs would kill her even if they didn't intend to because of her body type and how she was built. He knew Spencer was strong. That his will power was keeping him alive. He kept thinking about how he should help both JJ and Spencer through this hard time. He wasn't exactly sure. But he would figure it out.

But one thing they all knew: was that Spencer was a hero. He saved JJ's life. He went above and beyond to keep her safe. He was even willing to die for it. They all prayed for Spencer. That he would make it. They knew how awesome Spencer was, and they begged God, to let him stay with them on earth, because a gift like Spencer, God could take away to keep for himself and they weren't ready to let Spencer go.

So they all took turns sitting and talking to him.

Spencer remembered being overcome by the pain. He felt it even after he passed out. A small amount was physical pain, the rest was mental, and emotional. He felt himself floating through the darkness. Breathing. Every breath he took sent a little breeze over his body. He opened his eyes, everything was pitch black. He floated along, and as he did he could hear voices. He realized it was his own voice. They were memories from his past. At first he only heard the voices. But after sometime he was able to see the images of the memories floating around him. They came, one after the other. Some were good, some were bad. He was being overwhelmed by all the memories. His whole life was moving before him, right in front of his eyes… He wondered what would happen when the memories reached the present. But at some point they stopped being memories. Instead he heard the voices of his team, talking to him. At that moment he heard Garcia.

"Spencer, I'm not sure if you can hear me, but I wanted to tell you, that I have a very good feeling that you'll be okay. And to prove it: I bought two tickets for comic con next month. Did you hear me Spencer? Two tickets. One for you, and one for me. Because that is how sure I am that you'll be okay. Just keep in mind that If you don't make it, I'll be forced to go with Kevin and that would be really painful. But again, I know you'll be okay."

Her words made him smile. He heard Morgan at some point as well. "Spencer, I know you think your not strong. But if you survive this, like I know you will, it's proof that your stronger than any of us."

They took turns over the next few days, sitting with Spencer, talking to him, and visiting him. Morgan was there the most. Three days went by and Morgan was sitting next to Spencer. Who was still sleeping. Morgan was growing increasingly worried with each day that went by that Spencer didn't wake up. Rossi slowly walked in and lightly knocked. Morgan looked up. "Hey, Rossi." Morgan rubbed his eyes. He was tired, he hasn't been getting much sleep. He was too worried about Spencer. Rossi came in and pulled up a chair. "Hey, I see your still here."

Rossi looked at Spencer, as he slowly breathed. He could hear his heart monitor beating at a steady pace. "Yeah. I just… don't want him to be alone when he wakes up." Morgan said. Rossi lightly shook his head.

"Derek, we're all worried about Spencer. But you got to get some sleep. Or at least rest." Morgan shook his head. "I'm fine." Rossi looked at all the wounds that covered Spencer's body. He couldn't see all of them, because some were covered by bandages. They both knew that Spencer suffered through each and every cut. They both felt the pain of knowing what happened.

Rossi spoke to Morgan. "How long have you been here?" Morgan looked at Rossi. "I wasn't keeping track." Rossi looked at his watch.

"It's been at least 4 hours. I came by earlier, but then left. That was four hours ago." Morgan looked mildly surprised. Then looked back at Spencer, then asked Rossi.

"It's been three days. Why is it taking so long for him to wake up?" Rossi looked at Spencer. Then looked back at Morgan.

"Derek, do you remember the names of the men that did this to Spencer?"

Morgan looked at Rossi suddenly.

"Yes. Ace Dyer and Brian Ritter. Why does that matter?" Rossi continued.

"That's right. Ace was the one who physically tortured and hurt JJ and Spencer. He also raped them-"

Morgan cut Rossi off: "Don't. Don't - remind me of what that psychopath did to them. I can't handle it right now." Morgan had his hand in a tight fist. Rossi spoke up.

"Calm down Morgan. There is a point to this. I promise." Morgan slightly nodded, letting Rossi know to continue.

"My point is…that for Ace to do, what he did to Reid, for the amount of time he did it: Took a enormous amount of physical strength. Think about it. Ace had to be in tip top shape to sexually assault Reid for that extended period of time. It was no doubt, physically exhausting. For both Ace, and Spencer.

I truly believe that is the reason he hasn't woken up yet. Spencer's body and mind is physically exhausted and drained. I don't blame him, for needing sleep After surviving the amount of torture he went through.

His body is getting some well deserved rest. He will wake up when he's ready."

Morgan looked at Spencer. He understood what Rossi was saying. It actually made a lot of sense. But yet Morgan couldn't quite shake the feeling he had. He voiced the concern that has being troubling him for days.

"Rossi. What if he dies? What if he doesn't-" Morgan cut himself off. He was feeling choked up at the thought. Rossi put his hand on his shoulder.

"Hey. It's gonna be okay. I'm sure in a few days, he'll wake up, and he'll start rattling off some fun facts about the encyclopedia."

Morgan slightly chuckled at that. He wiped away a tear. "And if he-" Rossi cut him off.

"And if he doesn't. We will find a way to keep going, and we will remember Spencer for everything he is, and what he stood for. We will keep his memory alive and we will make the world a little better and safer everyday. So that other people can be spared this type of pain. But I firmly believe he will be okay."

Morgan wiped a tear away. He was feeling better. Rossi then said. "Why don't you go home, and get some rest? I'll keep an eye on Reid for awhile. Okay?" Morgan nodded and stood up. He looked at Spencer and then left. JJ came in a few minutes later. She sat next to Rossi and held Spencer's hand for a while and she talked to him.


	6. Chapter 6

It took a total of 5 days, til Spencer woke up. After floating for what felt like forever. His body floated gently down, til it reached solid ground. He slowly sat up, and then stood. He was still in total darkness. It was still pitch black. Then he saw a door open. A blinding white light was beyond the door, he had to cover his eyes as he moved toward the light. When he got in front of the door, he paused for only a moment, before stepping into the light. The next thing he knew, he was slowly opening his eyes. His body was in a bit of pain, and he felt sore and stiff all over. There was a breathing mask on his face. He took it off. He was in a hospital. He saw Morgan resting his head and arms on the side of his bed. He seemed to be asleep.

"Morgan?" He said. But his voice came out sounding raw. His throat was dry, and it also hurt a little when he talked. He assumed it was from all the screaming he did while kidnapped? The sound of his own voice was strange to him. Morgan woke up and looked up at him and smiled. "Hey, look who's finally up. We were starting to think you wouldn't wake up at all."

He paused. "How are you feeling?" Spencer looked at him. "I feel like I was hit by a truck." Morgan laughed lightly. "Well that's understandable. You went through a lot." Spencer looked around the room. Then asked: "Where's JJ? Is she okay?"

Morgan nodded. "Yeah, She's okay. She left days ago." Spencer felt slightly confused. "How long have I been out?" Morgan answered him. "5 days."

 _ _It's…been that long?__

Spencer then stared straight at the wall. "Morgan. I couldn't protect her. I promised to keep her safe, and I failed." Morgan looked at him.

"Reid, you saved JJ's life. You endured hours of torture, just so she wouldn't have to. You're a hero. She would have died if you weren't there."

Spencer then groaned in pain. He took a deep breath. He closed his eyes.

"Whoa. Hey, are you okay?" Morgan asked.

Spencer opened his eyes as he held his side where he was stabbed.

"Yeah. It just hurts." Morgan then asked him. "Are you sure?"

Spencer nodded. Then a thought suddenly hit him.

 _ _I've been gone 8 days. My mom hasn't heard from me for 8 days.__

"My mom. I gotta call my mom. Does she know what all happened?"

Spencer said in a slight panic. Morgan spoke quickly.

"She okay. Hotch and JJ visited her personally and explained everything. She understands the situation and we've been keeping her in the loop."

Spencer sighed in relief. "Good. I need to call her, can I use your phone?"

Then a nurse walked in. She looked at Spencer. "Oh! Your up. That's good. Very good." Spencer nodded. He shared a little look with Morgan. He would have to wait to call his mom. The nurse went right to work. She took his blood pressure, and his pulse. She asked him about his pain, and she asked him questions about his medical history. While the nurse worked on him, Morgan stepped out of the room and called Hotch.

"It's Hotch."

"Hey, It's Morgan. Spencer woke up. He's okay."

"Thank God. How is he?" Morgan looked at Spencer while the nurse checked on him. He could tell how uncomfortable Reid was by his body language. He was tense. He was focusing on the ceiling and breathing slow. He only spoke when he had to.

"Yeah. I think he might be a bit overwhelmed, and he seems a bit disoriented. But he seems okay besides that."

"I'm not surprised, after everything that happened. I'll be down to see him soon, and I'll let the others know as well."

They both hung up and Morgan went back into Spencer's room and sat back down in his chair next to his bed. The nurse just handed Spencer a cup of water. He spoke softly and said "Thank you." As she left.

Spencer drank some of the water. A few minutes later his doctor came in. He introduced himself to Spencer. Morgan stayed in the room as Dr. Apple talked and checked on Spencer. "Alright Spencer, can you follow the light with your eyes please?" Spencer did. Dr. Apple put the light away. "Good. Very good. Okay Spencer, I'm gonna check on your stab wound now, It might hurt a little."

Spencer stared at the ceiling as Dr. Apple removed the bandage and carefully looked a the wound. He put a little pressure on it, and Spencer groaned in pain. "Sorry. There was a lot of tissue damage, because of how deep the knife was. It will take quite a bit of time to fully heal. I'm gonna remove the other bandages as well." Spencer nodded slowly.

Dr. Apple took his time removing the bandages from his arms, and from his chest and torso. Dr. Apple explained what all happened to Spencer while he was asleep while he worked on the bandages. He told him about all the stitches he needed, and the state of his other wounds. He informed him that they would all leave scars, but that physically he would fine. He informed Spencer about everything that happened to him during surgery, and the treatment he received. After he finished he said: " I'm going to ask you to sit on the edge of the bed, so I can look at your back. Okay?" Spencer nodded. He slowly sat up, moving to the edge of the bed only as fast as he dared. He was still in pain, so he took his time. Once he got to the edge of the bed, Dr. Apple started looking over Spencer's back. He cut the gauze off, bit by bit. He felt Dr. Apple remove all the bandages from his back. Spencer felt Dr. Apple touch his back, and he jumped at the touch. So Dr. Apple pulled his hand away quickly. "Are you okay?" Dr. Apple asked. Spencer made a face, feeling uncomfortable. Reid spoke softly as he shut his eyes. "Yes. I'm fine."

It didn't hurt. He was in a little bit of pain, but he was mostly just sore. He just felt really uncomfortable being touched. After the horrors he went through: The torture and the rape. He feared being hurt by someone's hands. It freaked him out to be touched, even though the doctor didn't hurt him or do anything wrong, it still got to him. Morgan saw the fear on Reid's face as Dr. Apple slowly moved his hands over his wounds on his back. Checking their condition, and making sure they were healing properly. Spencer swallowed hard, he was shaking slightly.

"Stop. Your freaking him out." Morgan said to Dr. Apple. He did, and moved his hands away from Reid. Spencer sighed deeply in relief. Dr. Apple moved in front of Spencer. "I'm so sorry. I didn't realize I was upsetting you. Next time tell me." Spencer nodded slowly opening up his eyes.

"Well there healing well. It's still going take some time before it fully heals. Like I said before, You'll be left with a lot of scars. The burns are fully healed. They will scar. All the cuts will definitely scar. Physically you'll be fine. You'll need to carefully clean them for the next six weeks. Your stab wound will take a few months to fully heal. You might feel some pain while they heal. But you should be fine." Dr. Apple told Spencer as Hotch walked into the room, next to the door frame. Dr Apple continued.

"However you'll most likely develop PTSD. I'm seeing the signs already. I'm going to strongly recommend getting counseling before you return to your work. You went through a lot."

"Don't worry Doctor. Both the bureau and I are making the decision to require that Spencer gets 4 weeks of mandatory counseling before he can return to work." Spencer looked at Hotch as he spoke. He didn't like the idea of going to counseling. What he didn't like even more, was the fact that he wouldn't be able to return to work for 4 weeks. Dr. Apple nodded. "Good idea." Then Dr. Apple turned back to Spencer.

"As long as you can walk, I can give you the okay to leave." Spencer stood up carefully. His stab wound hurt when he stood, but he didn't show it. He walked over to the window. He felt slightly shaky from laying in bed for 5 days. As he did, the other members of the BAU showed up in the doorway: Rossi, Emily, Garcia, and JJ showed up. They all saw the damage done to his back. It was scaring and healing. They all held their breath, and Garcia had to look away. JJ thought it looked better than the last time she saw it.

She saw it right after it happened, and it was healing nicely. It still looked bad, but she knew it would improve over time. Spencer turned and walked back toward them, Spencer looked at his friends. He saw how they looked at his scars. He felt a little embarrassed, even though it wasn't his fault that he had them. Then again, he was asleep for 5 whole days, they all most likely saw all his scars at some point. But it still felt strange for him. Dr. Apple then nodded to Spencer and said. "Okay. Alright. The nurse will be in to remove your IV. Drink a lot of water, eat some food. You've been getting nutrients through the IV and a tube, but you still need to get some real food into your system. Other than that, your free to leave. You will need to sign some papers at the front desk. I am gonna give you a prescription to help you with any physical pain, you may still be having-" Spencer cut Dr. Apple off.

"No. That won't be necessary. I don't want any narcotics. Thank you, for keeping me alive, and for everything you've done for me and JJ." Dr. Apple nodded with a smile. Then left. He sat on the bed while the nurse removed his IV. Each member of the BAU gave Spencer a light hug. They greeted him, with smiles. He could feel the warmth of their care. He tried to return their greetings the best he could while smiling weakly back at them. JJ hugged him last, her's was the most tender hug of them all. She spoke softly to him as they hugged. "I was so worried about you, Spence. Thank you so much, for saving me." All he said was: "It's okay JJ. It's okay." She let go of him. Rossi handed him a plastic bag. "What's this?" Spencer asked as he tried to look inside the bag. Rossi smiled. "We got you a fresh change of clothes. It should all fit." Spencer thanked him, and went into the bathroom to change. A few minutes later he came out of the bathroom. He was wearing jeans, and a gray thermal long sleeved shirt with dark purple stripes. The shirt was just slightly loose. He figured Morgan was the one who put the jeans in the bag. Cause they were just his size, and Morgan was the last person to drag him out to a store and talked him into buying a pair of jeans for Causal Friday. Morgan told him he should own at least two pairs of jeans. But he only bought one. He figured this was Morgan's way of getting him to own two pairs of jeans. At least the clothing was comfortable. It kinda amused him. But not enough to smile. Spencer went to the front desk, signed the papers he needed and as they headed toward the front doors, Hotch spoke to him. "Spencer, we were talking and were thinking maybe you should stay with someone for a few days. Would you be okay with that?"

Spencer nodded slowly after a moment of thought. At first he was gonna say no. But then he felt fear plague him when he thought about returning to his apartment where he was kidnapped. He knew he felt that way because he was having symptoms of PTSD. He realized and recognized that he could use the extra help right now. "Yeah sure. So who am I staying with?" Spencer said. He figured they all discussed who he should stay with while he was asleep. They just then got outside, and Spencer saw Gideon. He stopped in his tracks. "Gideon." Spencer said with a tear in his eye. Gideon smiled at him. "Hey kid. How are you feeling?" Spencer gave him a big hug, ignoring the pain. "I've really missed you." Gideon hugged him back. "I know. I missed you too." Spencer let go. "Gideon volunteered to let you stay with him a few days, til you get back on your feet. As long as it is okay with you." Hotch said to Spencer. Spencer nodded. "Yeah. I would like that." Morgan wanted Spencer to stay with him, he wanted to be the big brother Spencer never had and be there for Spencer through this tough time, but he knew Gideon could help Spencer in ways no else could. He would be able to get into Reid's head and help him sort through his scattered thoughts. He would be the most helpful for Reid. "Alright let's go. We'll stop by your apartment, so you can get whatever you may need." Reid nodded. As he went to Gideon's truck he noticed JJ getting in the same car as Garcia. As he got into the passengers seat he asked. "Is JJ staying with Garcia?" Gideon nodded.

"Yeah. Just for a few days. She has been having a rough time after everything that happened." Spencer nodded slowly.

Gideon drove to Reid's apartment and went up with him to help him gather some supplies for his stay. While they were there, Spencer called his mom. They talked a bit. He assured her that he was okay. That he would try to visit her soon. Then he hung up. Reid grabbed enough supplies for a week. Gideon carried the bag for Reid. They talked for a bit on the drive to Gideon's place. Gideon knew he would need to let Spencer know when his counseling sessions were. But it could wait till tomorrow. Once they got to Gideon's place, Reid went inside and got settled into the guest room. "Make yourself at home, if you need anything feel free to take it. Or ask me if you want." Spencer nodded as he looked around. Gideon was sitting at his desk. Spencer stopped in front of a huge bookcase. He was looking at all the books Gideon owned. Gideon was sitting silently watching Reid. Gideon went out and bought 20 books that he knew Spencer would like, and knew he didn't read yet. He wanted to make sure Spencer would have enough to read while he stayed there. He put them on his book shelf yesterday. Sure enough Spencer picked up one of the books Gideon picked out for him, and sat down to read. Gideon smiled to himself and went back to his own work. He knew how fast Spencer could read, and made sure to be prepared. He remembered seeing Spencer read for the first time. Spencer could read 20,000 words per minute and his IQ was 187. Seeing someone read at that pace was quite a sight to see. The BAU members were all used to it, at this point. It was a very valuable skill Spencer had, and it worked well with his other abilities.


	7. Chapter 7

A half hour passed as Gideon made them dinner. Spencer was still reading when Gideon called him over to eat. Spencer looked up from his book, and then joined him. He thanked him for dinner. Suddenly realizing how hungry he was.

"How's the book?" Gideon asked. Spencer answered. "It's good so far." Spencer went on to tell him what the book was about. Something about 4 people who are judged by society because of how they look, and because of a rumor about their past. How this boy saved this girl and that event made them realize that they weren't dead, but somehow knew they weren't human. He rambled about it for a little while they ate. It made Gideon smile to hear him rambling about a topic he enjoyed like he used to. Spencer finished the ramble by saying: "The bad guys are demons." He paused then said. "I'm about halfway done." Gideon nodded. "Good. I'm glad your enjoying it."

Gideon then said. "Spencer, tomorrow I would like you to tell us about everything that happened to you and JJ. It's important that we know. Would you be okay with that?" Spencer paused a moment before answering. He didn't want to. Every fiber of his being wanted to move on and try to forget everything that happened. But deep inside he knew he had to. He wasn't going to like it. But he would try. Spencer answered by nodding. After dinner, Spencer went back to the couch to read. He finished the book 18 minutes later. Shortly after he fell asleep on the sofa, still holding his book. After a while Gideon went over to Spencer and gently woke him. "Hey, Spencer? Do you want to go sleep in your bed? It's more comfortable than the couch." Spencer opened his eyes just slightly, he nodded slowly as he rubbed his eyes. Gideon helped Spencer up and helped lead him to his room, and then to his bed. Spencer laid down on his bed and rolled onto his side facing the wall, and fell back to sleep. He was still in his clothes. Gideon saw that Spencer still didn't unpack his bag. He looked at Spencer. His right arm was resting over the spot where he was stabbed. He was subconsciously protecting himself.

Spencer's sleeve was slightly rolled up his arm, and Gideon could see the scars all over his arm. He left the door ajar and turned the light off. Spencer slept well most of the night. Only once did he scream during the night while he was sleeping. Gideon rushed in and woke him up. "Spencer! Wake up! Wake up -" Spencer woke up suddenly: He was shaking and grabbed onto Gideon's arm. "No!" He screamed. He was gasping for air. "Hey. It's okay. Your safe. It was just a bad dream." Spencer's chest rose and fell, matching his rapid breathing. His eyes were slightly wide for a split second. He let go of Gideon's arm and sat up. "You okay kid?" Gideon asked him. Spencer's breathing slowed down just a little.

"It - felt so real." Spencer said. Gideon gently held Spencer's shoulder. "Spencer, look at me." Spencer did. "The people who hurt you, can't hurt you anymore. They are in prison." Spencer nodded slowly. A tear ran down his face. He wiped it away with his sleeve. Then said. "No." Gideon looked at him. "What?" Spencer continued to cry silently. "No I'm not - okay! 80% of my body is a painful reminder of the hell I went through! When I close my eyes…It happens all over again." His voice broke. He cried. Gideon gave him a little hug. He let Spencer cry for awhile, comforting him as needed. Then said. "Spencer, I know your in pain. But we're going to do everything we can to help you get through this. The person your going to see for counseling: Is a expert in dealing with trauma victims. She helps people who are in the same kind of work your in."

Spencer shook his head. "I can't be saved Gideon. I'm too broken. Too broken to be fixed." He turned away from Gideon and rolled back onto his side facing the wall. Gideon spoke to Spencer. "Spencer. Your not broken, your wounded. And wounded people just need to heal. We can help you do that." Gideon left as Spencer fought sleep for awhile. At some point he got tired of fighting. He got tired of the thoughts in his head and he drifted to back to sleep.

A Few Hours Later.

Spencer woke up. His eyes opened slowly. He laid there for a moment. He felt a still come over him. Then he moved onto his back. He rubbed his eyes with his hands. He let his fingers brush through his hair... He paused. His sleeves fell a bit and he could see the scars all over his arms. They would need more time to heal. Until then the scarring would red and noticeable. He moved his hands away from his hair and pulled his sleeves down over his hands. He got out of bed, and walked to the kitchen and made himself coffee. He sat down on the sofa as he drank it. Gideon then walked into the room. His hair was wet from just taking a shower. "Morning Kid." Gideon said to him. Spencer waved tiredly drinking some coffee as he did. "There is some shampoo and soap setting out for you in the bathroom. If you want to take a shower." Spencer nodded. "Yeah. I will in a moment. Thank you."

10 minutes later Spencer finished his coffee. Spencer got a change of clean clothes and took a shower. He let the warm water wash over him. The water bothered his wounds quite a bit. But he ignored it. He used special soap to clean his wounds. He gently washed the wounds on his back with a shower pouf. It hurt a little, but he did it anyway. After he was done, he put on jeans, and a plain gray shirt. He looked at his arms. He really hated looking at his scars. If it wasn't 80 degrees outside he would wear long sleeves. But again, It's too hot. Spencer went out to the living room where Gideon had a chess game ready. "Hey you want to play a game or two before Hotch and Morgan come over?" Spencer nodded. "Yeah. I'd like that."

Spencer poured some coffee and drank it as they started playing. As they did Gideon spoke to him. "Spencer, I have a paper on the table that tells you the times and dates of your counseling sessions." Spencer made his move. "When's the first appointment?" Gideon made his move as he answered. "Tomorrow, At 2:30pm." Spencer thought a moment then made his move. "Great. And what's today?" Spencer asked. Still trying to get on track since being asleep for 5 days and being kidnapped 3 days before that. Gideon took Spencer's knight. "It's Monday. You also have a appointment Thursday." Spencer made a face. Then took one of Gideon's chess pieces. "Good to know."

15 minutes later.

Gideon won the game of chess. But it was very close. He could tell Spencer has been playing while he was gone. Gideon got up. "Morgan and Hotch will be here soon. You ready?" Spencer moved to the sofa. He finished his coffee. "Not really. I'm not sure telling you guys is gonna be helpful. I mean the men who kidnapped me are locked up. Right?" Gideon's behavior shifted and wavered for a split second. "We still need to know. Hotch has to write the report, and he needs to hear what happened in your own words to do so. Also, it might help you process everything." Spencer saw Gideon's shift of behavior. "Gideon. Are you hiding something from me?" Spencer asked. Gideon sighed. "Your not suppose to know. Your suppose to rest and just focus on healing." Spencer stared at Gideon. "Tell me. I want to know." Spencer said. Gideon paused a moment. "Spencer, you don't need to know."

Spencer seem slightly annoyed and frustrated. "Yes, actually I do need to know, Gideon. If you don't tell me I will spend every waking moment trying to find out myself. And you know I will. Sooner or later." Gideon sighed. Then said. "One of the men who kidnapped you, broke out of prison. We think he might try to hurt you." Spencer's eyes went wide for a second. "So I'm here, So you can protect me. Right?" Gideon nodded. "And to help you through recovery." Spencer than asked. "Is that why JJ, is staying with Garcia?" Gideon nodded. "She could be in just as much danger as you. We have to make sure you both are safe." Spencer shook his head. "How many days ago did this happen?" Spencer asked. Gideon answered very calmly. "3 days after you were rescued. While you were in the hospital."

Spencer felt fear overcome him. His body tensed up. His heart skipped a beat. His thoughts became scrambled. Gideon saw this. "Spencer. Take a deep breath. Tell me what's going through your head." Spencer was taking deep breaths as he closed his eyes. "Which one escaped?" Spencer asked as his brain was flooded with a single thought.

 _ _Don't let it be him.__

 _ _Don't let it be him.__

 _ _Don't let it be him.__

"The names of the men who did this are Ace Dyer, and Brian Ritter. Brian was the one with the lab coat. Ace was the one in all black clothing. Ace Dyer is the one who escaped." Spencer felt himself freeze up.

 _ _No. Not him. He's the one who tortured me. He's the one who-__

Spencer forced himself to cut his thought process off. He couldn't think about what he did to him. He told himself not to think about it. He felt scared. Everything is out of control. Gideon saw Reid's mind spinning. "Spencer, I need you to breathe and close your eyes." Spencer did. "Now I want you to think about something good. Something happy." Spencer did. He was tapping his foot rapidly. He swallowed hard. He breathed and calmed himself down by thinking about going to the Red Skins game with JJ. She loved it. Got so into the game. It was funny watching her cheer her team on. He smiled a little. She had to explain a few rules to him during the game. Gideon saw Spencer's body relax a little. Then he said. "Now Spencer, think of something calming. Something that relaxes you." Spencer thought about a river of water flowing past him.

He felt at peace. It lasted no longer than a moment. In that moment life became somewhat okay. Things didn't seem so screwed up. He could breathe without feeling fear paralyzing him. He felt his problems and pain flow away with the river. His mind felt clear. Each second of this moment was worth more than anyone could even know. It was bliss. The moment ended when they heard a knock at the door. His body jumped at the sound and his eyes opened instantly: However the fear and the destructive depression crept back into his mind and soul slowly. He sat up. Gideon got the door and let Morgan and Hotch into his humble home. They greeted each other. Then Morgan came over and sat next to Spencer. "Hey kid. How are you feeling?" Hotch looked all around the area outside with his eyes and then shut the door. Spencer looked at Morgan. "I'm fine." Morgan stared at Spencer. He knew that Spencer's answer was BS. "Sure you are." He said with a slight edge to his voice. Spencer ignored the comment.

"That's enough Morgan." Hotch said. "If he doesn't want to talk about how he's doing or feeling, he doesn't have to. It's his choice." Morgan looked at Hotch. "Your right." He turned to Spencer. "I'm sorry kid." Spencer nodded. Hotch sat in a chair across from Spencer. "Hey Spencer. How did you sleep?" Hotch asked him. He smiled at him. Reid felt uncomfortable. The scars on his arms and wrists were very noticeable, because the wounds were still fairly new. They were red. Healing at a slow pace. He saw the looks on their faces when their eyes hovered over the marks on his skin. He wished they would stop looking at him like a lost puppy. "Good, for the most part." Spencer said to Hotch. Hotch nodded. Gideon informed Hotch early that morning about Spencer waking up with night terrors, before Spencer woke up. "That's good. Do you know why we're here?" Spencer nodded then said. "Yes. You want to know what happened to me." Hotch nodded. "It's important we know. It might help us find Ace." Spencer nodded slowly. Gideon must have already informed Hotch about Spencer knowing about Ace. Spencer then asked. "Where are the others?" Morgan looked at Hotch, who answered. "We thought it would be easier for you if it was just us." Morgan then added. "We know how hard this is for you. We want to help you in anyway we can."


	8. Chapter 8

Spencer appreciated the kind words and thoughts. But he wasn't sure they could help him. Hotch then said. "Spencer are you ready?" Spencer scoffed slightly. "I'm about to relive the worst 3 days of my life. So yeah. I'm as ready as I'll ever be."

Gideon was standing in the room, watching Spencer's body language carefully. He wanted to let Morgan and Hotch lead Spencer through the cognitive interview. It might overwhelm Spencer if he got involved as well. Plus he wanted to watch Spencer's behavior, to try to gauge his current condition. Hotch then spoke.

"Start whenever your ready. Take your time, there's no rush." Morgan nodded.

"Yes. Go at your own pace. Close your eyes when your ready."

Spencer nodded slowly. He looked at everyone in the room. First Gideon, then Hotch, and lastly Morgan. Gideon was standing in the corner, Hotch was sitting on a chair in front him, and Morgan was sitting on the sofa next to him. Then he leaned his head against the back of the sofa, and closed his eyes. He didn't feel ready at all. But he assumed he would never be ready. His next best choice was to try to get it over with as quickly as possible. So instead he nodded to show them he was ready to start. Morgan's voice guided him through the process.

"Okay Spencer. I want to to go back to the night you were kidnapped. What happened? Start at the beginning." Spencer felt his mind going back to that night. He mentally visualized everything. In a moment's notice: He was in front of the door to his apartment. "I just got to my apartment door. I unlocked the door, and went inside." Morgan spoke to Spencer, to try to help him dig deeper into the memory.

"Did you notice anything out of place? Any signs the door was forced, or broken into?" Spencer shook his head. "No. Everything looked normal."

"Okay. What did you do next?" Morgan prompted. Hotch kept quiet for the moment, and just watched as Spencer walked through his memories. "I tried to turn on the light, but it didn't work. I figured maybe a fuse blew. So I put my keys in a small bowl on a side table next to the door, and grabbed a flashlight." Morgan prompted Reid again.

"Did you hear anything? Or smell anything that was unusual?" Spencer shook his head slowly. "No. Wait… I thought I heard a click sound for a split second. But it was so soft, that I thought I imagined it. So I dismissed it." He said. Realizing how stupid he was not to notice before.

"What type of click sound? Like the click of a gun?" Morgan asked. Spencer was clearly deep into the memory. Gideon and Hotch watched Spencer tapping his foot. He wasn't tapping his foot very fast. It was a slow steady pace.

"No. Like the click of a door being closed quietly. I can't believe I didn't notice it before." Morgan spoke to him. "Spencer there was no way you could have known, what would happen to you. No one is that smart." Spencer nodded slowly. Then Morgan got him back on track. "What did you do next?" He asked. Spencer answered him. "I used the flash light and slowly moved through the dark to the fuse box."

Morgan continued to look at Spencer and asked. "Did you see anything strange? Or smell anything?" Hotch looked at Morgan as he spoke to Spencer.

"No. Wait a second. I may have seen a strange small silhouette. I didn't notice it at first because it was really well hidden with what was already in the room."

"What did it look like?" Morgan asked.

"I don't know. It's hard to see. It's dark." Spencer sounded slightly frustrated. He sighed and then continued. "It was kinda box shaped? Like a small box type of shape?" Morgan nodded. "Okay, what happened next?" Spencer continued. "I got to the doorway of the room with the fuse box. My flashlight's batteries died. So I set it down and went to the fuse box."

"Where is the fuse box in your apartment?" Morgan asked. Spencer answered him.

"It's down the hall to the left. It's the farthest room in the corner of the apartment. Next to my bedroom." Morgan nodded. "Okay. What happened when you opened the fuse box?" He asked him. "I never did. Once I got in front of the fuse box, the door slammed shut behind me. I ran to the door and tried to open it, but it was locked. I pounded on the door." Hotch jumped in. "Did you say anything to the man?" Spencer nodded. "Tell me what you said. Give me your exact words." Spencer did: "Hey. Who's there? Open the door! This is a mistake, I work for the FBI. If you take me, you'll be faced with-" Spencer stopped in the middle of his sentence. Hotch looked at him. "You'll be faced with… What?" Spencer shook his head. "I never got to finish that sentence. Because he started pumping gas into the room." Morgan shared a look with Hotch and Gideon. "They pumped gas into the room?" Spencer nodded. "Yeah." Hotch spoke to Spencer again. "Spencer, how did you feel while this was happening? What was going through you head?"

"I felt scared. But I forced myself to do something about it. The gas was making me really dizzy. So I pulled my shirt over my nose and mouth, and held my breath. I kept thinking how I needed fresh air."

"What did you do after you started to hold your breath?" Hotch asked.

Spencer's face was showing signs of stress as his foot tapping sped up a little bit.

"I ran to the window and tried to open it. But the window was bolted shut. I knew that the only chance I had to get fresh air, was to break the window. Then I couldn't hold my breath any longer. I had to breathe. Once I did the effects of the gas hit me hard. I almost keeled over from the dizziness. I had to hold onto the wall to stay standing." Morgan looked at him. "Was there anything in the room that you knew you could use to break the window?"

"Yes. I own a giant Metamorphic Ore that is infused with a large chunk of Gypsum-" Hotch cut him off. "Reid, start that sentence again, but speak in English for us, please." Spencer made a face. "Sorry, I… uh own a giant rock that has a huge crystal inside it." Hotch nodded. "Much better. Thank you. Please continue."

"I was only able to walk a few steps before falling to my knees. The gas was filling my head and lungs, and I could feel it tugging at my consciousness. But I managed to grab the-" Spencer paused for a second or two, mentally correcting himself and then continuing. "- big rock. I was barely able to stand, but somehow staggered over to the window. I slammed the rock as hard as I could into the window, But it didn't break." Gideon, Hotch and Morgan all gave a small smile, when Spencer had to simplify his vocab for their sake. He was still Spencer. The smiles faded quickly as they continued.

"What happened next?" Morgan asked. Spencer felt a little stressed. But kept going. "I was overcome by the effects of the gas, But still lifted my hand to try to break the glass again. But someone in a gas mask grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the ground and pinned my arms down. I tried to fight him, But he was too strong. I kept wondering why these people were taking me? Out of all people in the world, and all the people in the FBI, and they chose me? It didn't make sense."

"Did you ever think of a reason why they took you specifically?" Gideon asked, breaking his silence. Spencer shook his head. "Nothing concrete that I could actually find evidence of. The only two things I could think of was the fact that my memory is very accurate and holds a lot of information. The second thing I thought of was the fact I'm physically weaker than most people and that it may have made me a idea target because I could be overpowered easier." Morgan then said to Spencer. "Did it ever cross your mind that one of the reasons they may have taken you was because they were attracted to your body type?" Hotch shot a look at Morgan and shook his head.

"What you mean like sexually?" Spencer asked. Then said: "Most likely that also played a factor in why I was targeted. Typically there are two motives for… sexual assault. One is for pleasure. The second is to make the victim feel utterly powerless, and to humiliate them. It also makes the person feel like they are in control. In some cases it doesn't matter what the victim looks like." Spencer had a somewhat sad look on his face as he spoke.

Hotch was surprised how well he took that question. Spencer cleared his throat then said. "I passed out a moment after the man pinned my arms down." Hotch glanced at Gideon. They both knew that from this point on, it was going to get much worse. They knew it would be painful for Reid to revisit these memories. They also knew it would difficult for them to listen to the story that was about to unfold. Morgan knew this as well. They all hoped that maybe: Spencer would feel some sort relief after talking about what all happened to him. That maybe in some small way it would make him feel a little better.

"What's the next thing you remember?" Morgan asked. Spencer's face showed signs of anxiety as his mind started to dab into much darker memories.


	9. Chapter 9

"I woke up in a concrete room on the floor. My wrists were in cuffs and chains. There was one blanket on a chair in the corner. I saw two hooks hanging from the ceiling. It felt cold." Morgan continued to look at Reid, then asked him.

"What else did you see?" Spencer answered. "A steel door with a small window with bars on it, and chains bolted into the walls. There was a bowl of water next to the chair in the corner." Morgan prompted him to continue. "Then what happened?" Reid's foot started tapping a bit faster. "I waited for a while, then a man in a lab coat came. He said he was glad I finally joined them. I asked him what he wanted with me. He told me he would be asking the questions. That that was his job."

Morgan asked Spencer: "Did you try to profile him?" Spencer nodded. "Yes."

"Okay continue." Morgan prompted. "The other man came in. I was told that if I didn't answer his questions. That this man would hurt me." Reid had been tapping his foot continuously as quick pace, but he suddenly stopped. He became still as dug deep into his mind. They noticed his foot go still. Spencer seemed choked up at the thought of reliving these memories. He was breathing deeply. Clearly upset. "Spencer, it's okay. Take your time." Hotch said. "Talk to me Spencer. What happened?" Morgan asked. "I was dragged into the other room. They suspended me from a hook attached to the ceiling. By my wrists. He cut my shirt off."

"Who cut your shirt off?" Morgan asked him. "The man in all black clothing." Spencer said. "Okay. What happened next?" Hotch asked. Spencer took a deep breath. His foot started tapping rapidly again. "They asked me all these questions, they wanted to know all this classified information about government secrets." Spencer said with a look of mild panic on his face. Gideon knew that this was painful for Spencer. He knew that once he was done telling his story, Gideon would have to spend the rest of the day trying to help Spencer calm down and get him to feel safe and comfortable once again. Which wouldn't be easy. "What did they ask you?" Morgan asked. Spencer spoke as calmly as he could. "They asked me the location of the base that holds deadly - viruses and bio-chemicals. But I wouldn't tell them."

"What did they do when you refused?" Morgan asked. Spencer was choked up as he spoke. "He used the knife - and - cut deep into my arm." He started tearing up. His voice seemed to break. He cradled his left arm with his right arm. He was covering the wound that was made in that moment. "Spencer-" Hotch started to say before Spencer cut him off. "It - hurt - so bad. I screamed." Spencer said in a shaky voice. Another silent tear running down his face. "Spencer, do you want to take a break?" Hotch asked. Spencer shook his head. It would be too painful to stop, just to start up again. He would tell it all in one go. He would get it over with. Hotch gave Morgan a small nod, to give him the okay to continue. "Spencer, how did the man with the knife, react to torturing you? Did he hesitate when he cut you? Did he enjoy it? Did he smile or laugh while he hurt you? Or was he timid?" Spencer responded.

"He never said anything, But he smiled as he cut deep into me. He enjoyed it. There was a flash of anger in his eyes. His movements were precise, like he's done this before. He laughed slightly as he hurt me, and watched me squirm and scream." Morgan then asked. "What else were you asked?" Spencer went through the list of questions, which seemed to get worse as he continued. Thousands of people would have potentially died if he gave them any of the info they wanted. Spencer knew that. He went through hell to keep everyone safe. "Did he cut you every time you refused?" Morgan asked. Spencer nodded. "Yes. He started on my arms and then moved to my chest and torso. The man in the lab coat had to tell him not to cut so deep. Told him that they need me alive." Morgan looked at Spencer. "How many cuts were you given?" Morgan asked. "40." Spencer answered. His face twisting in discomfort at the memory.

"Okay, what happened after they stopped asking you questions?" Spencer was breathing hard. His face twisted in pain. A small sound of pain slipped out of his mouth. Morgan looked at him. "Spencer, are you in pain?" Spencer shook his head. "The memory is so painful that I'm getting a headache. It's not pain - it's a intense pressure." Morgan kept looking at Spencer. "Is the pressure in your head?" Spencer started crying slightly. "No." Spencer suddenly grabbed onto Morgans wrist and squeezed tightly. "Spencer, do you want to stop?" Hotch asked for a second time, growing increasingly concerned. Spencer shook his head. "No." He whispered. "Do you feel okay enough to continue?" Hotch asked. Spencer nodded. "Okay, when your ready you can continue." Hotch said.

Morgan kept his arm still, and just let Spencer hold onto his arm as he spoke with tears falling from his eyes. "The man in the lab coat left and closed the door. The other man started removing the rest of my clothes. I begged him not to do this, to just cut me again instead. He - wouldn't - listen. He stripped me nude, and unhooked me, and laid me over a wooden crate." Spencer's voice broke. He started to cry. Hotch had to cover his face as Spencer squeezed Morgan's arm tightly. Reid's body shook slightly. Morgan stepped in. "Spencer, I don't want you to revisit this memory." Morgan had a tear in his eye. Spencer yelled out, his voice shaking. "Oh - my - god! It's happening!" He was crying. He squeezed Morgan's wrist so tightly, it actually hurt. He forced himself to speak. "Spencer, I need you breathe. I want you to let this memory fade. Okay?" Spencer's voice shook as he spoke. "He - raped - me." Spencer continued to cry. Morgan spoke quickly.

"I know Spencer." Then Spencer spoke again, in a whisper, before Morgan could say anything else. "It hurt like hell." Hotch then spoke. "We know Spencer. It's okay. I want you to fast forward through this memory. Okay?" Hotch was forcing himself to speak. Spencer nodded slowly. He kept a tight grip on Morgan's arm. He took a deep breath. He kept breathing deeply as he forced his brain to move past the painful memory. His body stopped shaking. His face still showed signs of distress. He slowly loosened his grip on Morgan's arm as he breathed. "30 minutes later, he stopped. I rolled onto the floor. I was in so much pain, I couldn't even move. He put my clothing back on and carried me back to the other room. He laid me on the floor in the corner, and gave me the bowl of water, and left. I laid there, for a long time, just crying. At some point I forced myself to drink the water, and then I passed out." He let go of Morgan's arm. Morgan sighed in relief. Morgan saw a mark on his wrist from Spencer's tight grip. But Morgan didn't mind. He knew Spencer was in more pain than him. He was just glad that he was here to help him through it.

"What happened next?" Morgan asked. He had to wipe a tear from his eye. "I woke up to a woman screaming. They pushed her into the room and she fell to the floor. She yelled at them and they slammed the door shut. When she lifted her head, I saw it was JJ. I said her name. She rushed to my side and asked me what happened. I told her, and she apologized. I told her it wasn't her fault."

Spencer took a deep breath. "Then I asked her if you guys were safe." Hotch spoke next. "Why were you worried about us." Spencer answered. "I was worried that they might try to hurt you guys or hunt you down." Morgan spoke next. "What did JJ say?" Spencer answered. "She told me you guys were safe. That you guys were looking for me. I promised to protect her. That I wouldn't let them hurt her. She seemed confused." Morgan asked him. "What was she confused about?" Spencer shrugged. "I guess she was confused about why I would need to protect her. I told her the reason they kidnapped her, was because they hoped she would give them the information I wouldn't. I told her that if they questioned her, that they would also torture her. She looked scared."

Morgan then spoke again. "What was going through your head? How did you feel? What where you thinking?" He asked calmly. Spencer took a deep breath. "I was feeling scared. Scared they would hurt her the way they hurt me. I saw how scared she looked, and I thought about how she probably should be scared. After all she could see the damage done to me. I wondered how long I could hold out and survive. I promised to protect her, that she wouldn't be hurt. She seemed to realize what I meant."

Hotch spoke. "What did you mean?" Spencer answered. "That if they came for her, I would take her place." Morgan asked him. "Did you have a plan?" Spencer paused. "What?" Morgan then said. "How long did you think you could make this work? Did you have any sort of plan?" Spencer nodded. "Yes. My plan was to make sure JJ wasn't tortured to death! I figured if I could hold out long enough, maybe we would be rescued before they hurt her." Spencer spoke frantically. Hotch shook his head at Morgan.

He knew what Morgan's point was. Spencer could have died from being tortured. He was worried Spencer wasn't considering his own limits. That he was being reckless. But Hotch knew this wasn't the time. Reid made the choices he made to survive. He made the choices that he thought gave them both the best chance of survival. So Morgan moved on. "What was JJ's reaction?" Spencer then said. "She was shocked, she told me that she couldn't let me go through hell just to protect her. She told me she could handle it. But I told her that I couldn't let her do that. I told her that I was already tortured once. That another wouldn't kill me."

Morgan then asked him. "What happened next?" Spencer answered. "They came for JJ, and I spoke up-" Hotch cut him off again. "What did you say, Spencer? Give me your exact words." Spencer did. "No. Don't. Take me instead, she doesn't know anything. But I do. I know lots. I have a editic memory. Which mean means my brain can hold massive amounts of information, in very precise detail. I also can't forget anything. So your best chance for any information is me." Spencer spoke in a normal voice, but they all knew he most likely yelled each word, when he first spoke them.


	10. Chapter 10

"What happened after that?" Spencer continued. "The man in the lab coat made a deal with me." Hotch spoke again. "What was the deal? Exact words please." Spencer did so once again. "Alright Spencer. I'll tell you what, I'm still gonna ask your friend questions. If she refuses to answer them, you'll be tortured in her place, while she watches."

Morgan smiled for a split second: Spencer was still as smart as ever. Then he spoke. "What did you say?" Spencer answered quickly. "I took the deal, and they grabbed JJ and lead her to the other room. Then they took me over next, I was still in pain and had trouble walking, so when dragging me didn't work, they carried me instead. They put me in cuffs, and suspended me from the ceiling again. They tied JJ to a chair. The man in all black grabbed some sort torture device. I couldn't see what, cause the man was behind me. JJ could though, cause we were facing each other. I could tell by the look on her face that it wasn't good. I looked at her and told her: 'Don't tell them anything. No matter what. Okay?'"

Spencer's body tensed up. He was clearly upset, and it showed by the look on his face. He was never good at processing his emotions. So it made everything even more difficult. Morgan, Hotch and Gideon exchanged small looks of concern, before turning their attention back to Spencer. Gideon moved across the room and sat in a chair next to Hotch. "Reid, we need you to talk to us. What's wrong? Tell us what's going on inside your brain."

Spencer shed a silent tear as he answered. "I was so scared of the torture I knew I was going to go through, and I hated the idea of JJ watching it happen. That she would see me scream in pain. Then the man in the white lab coat asked JJ the first question." Morgan spoke. "Was it the same question they asked you?"

"Yes. She refused to answer. I braced myself for whatever might be coming. Then I received a painful lash from a whip, that had sharp pieces woven into the tip. I screamed out, and my body went limp for a minute. But I manged to pull myself into a standing position. JJ yelled at them, told them to stop. That they were killing me. I was able to force myself to speak to her. I told her that I was fine. That I was okay. The man in the lab coat, told her that they would stop, if she told them what they wanted. That I didn't need to suffer." Spencer paused, taking a moment to breathe. He started tapping his foot rapidly again.

"How did JJ respond?" Hotch asked him. "She told them that she wasn't the cause of my suffering. Told them she couldn't end the suffering of something she didn't start. That she wasn't the one torturing me. The men got mad. Told her that she had all the control, that by doing nothing to stop my suffering made her just as bad as them, that the only difference was that she wasn't holding the knife." Spencer made a tight fist with his right hand. It slightly shook. He was stressed. He continued.

"I was given 3 bad lashes as he talked to her. I yelled out. JJ didn't respond, knowing that I would be given another lash if she did. Over a hour went by: I was given 2 lashes each time she refused to answer him. I screamed through most of it. I saw the look in Ace's eye, when he checked to see if I was still conscious. He forced me to lift my head so he could look me in the eye. He was glad to see me in pain. But he longed to hurt JJ. I could tell." More tears ran down his face as he continued to relive the memories. He took a deep breath, before speaking once again.

"The last question she refused, I got 3 painful lashes. I was in so much pain I couldn't move. When they untied JJ, she rushed over to give me a hug. I felt so dizzy, and I asked her how much blood I lost. She told me, and then they pulled her away from me, and they forced her into the other room. He opened my cuffs and I collapsed, he caught my dead weight, right before I hit the ground. He dragged me into the other room and laid me in the middle of the room on the cold ground. I wanted to pass out. My eyes were closed and I felt JJ holding my head in her hands, she was comforting me, and talking to me. I could tell she was doing her best to sooth me. I was in so much pain."

Morgan then spoke up. "They treated your wounds right?" Spencer nodded. "I passed out after." Spencer had to take a moment to breathe. It was so hard to talk about this. He was surprised he didn't break down while he relived the horrors he went through. "What happened when you woke up?" Hotch asked. Spencer continued. "I saw JJ was sleeping. I looked at her from afar, studying her. I was trying to see if she had any cuts or bruises. I was trying to figure out if there were any signs of torture that may have happened to JJ while I slept. But I didn't see any. Thank God."

If the situation being described wasn't so screwed up; Morgan would have smiled at Spencer's words. He almost did. The fact that Spencer was so protective of JJ made him want to smile. Because he was just as protective of Spencer. The BAU was like a family. The situation being described was horrible, and he wasn't in the mood to smile. His friends were hurting. He had to be supportive.

"Please continue." Spencer did as he started to cry softly. "Then the man came in and dragged me to the other room, and once again stripped me nude and he-" Spencer cut himself off in the middle of the sentence. He couldn't say the word raped. It was a painful memory. Too painful to even talk about. Hotch spoke this time as Spencer's body shook slightly. "Spencer, You don't have to say it. We know. We want you to skip over this memory. Okay?" Spencer nodded as he silently cried. Tears were running down his face. "I was a virgin before I was kidnapped." Spencer said in a choked up voice.

"It's okay Spencer. Everything is gonna be okay. It's not your fault. None of it was your fault." Spencer leaned his head against the sofa. He was crying. His mind was deep in the memory, and his entire being was exhausted. He wanted to stop. But he didn't think he could face them, until he finished. Gideon spoke next. "Reid, I think you should take a break. Just for a few minutes, before we continue." Spencer wiped the tears from his eyes and he shook his head. "No." He said in a choked up voice. "I'm not - gonna stop." Gideon, Hotch and Morgan shared sad looks. They could see that Spencer was in a lot of pain. Hotch then said.

"Spencer, there is no shame in stopping if you need it." Spencer shook his head once again. "I don't need to stop! I need to get this over with. Stopping would just make returning to these memories more painful." Gideon spoke next. "Okay, So what happened next?" Spencer was able to pull himself together a little. "He put my clothing back on after he was done. He hurt me so bad I couldn't move. I was in so much pain, but I still told him off, the only way I know how." Morgan looked at him confused. "How is that? What did you say?" Hotch then added. "Give us your exact words." Spencer did.

"You - are - a piece - of worthless trash. When my team finds - me -and they will - find me. You will end up in prison, and when you become somebody's bitch, and get raped yourself. I hope you think of me. As you scream in pain, I hope you remember this moment, and remember that I was laughing at your pain."

Everyone in the room was slightly shocked that he did that. But also impressed. Morgan spoke first. "How did he respond?" Spencer told them how he got kicked in the gut. Morgan shook his head. "That was a bit risky, saying that to him." Then Hotch said. "Yes it was. Good job. What happened next?" Spencer continued.

"He dragged me back to the other room. He sat me against the wall, away from JJ. Then he grabbed her by her wrists and dragged her toward the door. I yelled at them, telling them not to hurt her. Telling them to stop. I said sorry to JJ as she was pulled out of the room. I was too weak to move. Too weak to stop him. I know cause I tried. I couldn't protect her. I had to listen to her screams for the next hour and a half. It was a horrible sound. At some point I screamed at them, telling them they could both go to hell."

Morgan then asked what happened when she got back. "She was set down against the wall and she pulled her knees close to her body as she shook and cried. I talked to her, told her how sorry I was. That I tried. She told me it wasn't my fault. I slowly crawled over to her. Ignoring the pain. When I got to her, I wrapped a blanket around her and asked her if she wanted to talk about it. She said no. So we didn't.

At least not directly. I comforted her. I told her how I thought you guys were getting close to finding us." He explained how he knew, and JJ's response. He talked about how he was tortured again, and about the searing pain he was in when he was stabbed and how he remembered seeing Morgan's face before passing out.


	11. Chapter 11

The story was painful for them all. But it was also very helpful and also over. It was even worse for Spencer to go through all of that. "You did well, kid. You can open your eyes now." Morgan said. Spencer slowly opened his eyes. He wiped a tear away, and rubbed his eyes. He took a few deep breaths. Hotch looked at Spencer. "You okay kid?" He asked.

Spencer didn't really have the energy to lie, but was considering doing so anyway. But instead he just said. "Do you want the truth?" Then he got up and went into the kitchen to make himself another cup of coffee. He was trying to melt away the stress he was feeling. He turned his back on Hotch, Gideon, and Morgan. He knew he had to tell them what happened to him. He couldn't have guessed how much it would affect him though. Morgan stood up and moved over to where Spencer was, and stood next to him. Hotch and Gideon stood up and moved to the other side of the room to talk. "He went through a lot of hell." Hotch said, as Gideon nodded. Then said. "Yes. But he survived. Which says a lot about him." Hotch agreed by saying. "It shows how strong he is." Gideon watched Morgan carefully interacting with Spencer. Hotch then asked Gideon. "Do you know what Rossi told me?" Gideon shook his head. "What did he tell you?" Hotch smiled slightly.

"Rossi told me that when he was carrying JJ to the ambulance, she told him that: 'It took everything Reid had to survive what he went through.' She said: 'That it took every ounce of will power he had to keep breathing. That he used every fiber of his being to withstand it all.' Apparently those were the reasons he couldn't die." Gideon smiled at that. "Do you think Reid understands all the psychological torture JJ went through watching everything that happened to him?" Hotch nodded. "I'm not sure. But I think he does. He had to listen to JJ scream for over a hour."

They watched Spencer finish his coffee. "I hope you have enough coffee to keep him content." Gideon chuckle lightly. "Don't worry. I bought it in bulk and stored it away for the winter. I might have enough til fall." They both laughed.

Meanwhile

Morgan was trying to find the right words to say to Spencer. He wasn't sure there were any right words for this moment. So a small amount of time went by where he just stayed quiet. Just thinking.

 _ _What do you say to the kid who knows everything, and went through hell? Should I say anything at all?__

Spencer refilled his coffee cup, after finishing his last cup. Spencer smelled the coffee and closed his eyes. "You know, what happened to you wasn't your fault. You know that right?" Spencer looked at Morgan. "You know in my head, I know that. But in my heart it still feels like it was my fault." Morgan shook his head and then said carefully. "When I was younger, and acting out, a man helped me, and took me under his wing. He took me to a cabin. It was great. The coolest place to be. Or at least it was great… till he started getting physical with me in ways I didn't want. He sexually assaulted me. I blamed myself for a long time. Don't go down that road Spencer. I know where it leads. It isn't pretty. It wasn't your fault."

Spencer teared up. "I'm sorry. I didn't know that happened to you." Morgan nodded. "It's okay. I've moved on. Well… at least for the most part anyway. You can too."

Spencer drank some more coffee. "How do I do that, Morgan?" He asked.

"Well counseling is a good start. But honestly kid, you went through a lot more than I did. It'll take you more time to heal." Spencer drank a little more coffee. "If I ever heal, you mean." Morgan looked at him. "Spencer, there is no 'if'. You can and will get to a point where you'll heal. But it's up to you to get there. The best advice I can give you is to take your time. Don't take steps your not ready to take." Spencer stared at the ground and finished his coffee. "I'll try."

Spencer said. He poured himself some more coffee. "Whoa kid. What are you doing?" Morgan asked Spencer. He turned to look at him. "What?"

Morgan smiled in a confused way. "What's with all the coffee? You just had like three cups of coffee. That's like your forth." Spencer drank some coffee as he said. "Actually it's more like six. I had two cups of coffee before you and Hotch showed up." Morgan looked shocked. "Spencer, that is way too much coffee for any one person." Spencer drank some more of his coffee then said. "Give me a break, It's been a week since I've had coffee. I'm making up for lost time." Morgan shook his head and said: "Okay, that's it." As he poured the rest of the coffee down the drain. "Dude! What the hell?" Spencer said. Morgan set the empty coffee pot down. "You my friend are cut off. No more coffee. Drink some water."

Within a half hour, both Hotch and Morgan left. Spencer was feeling uneasy and jumpy the rest of the day. He was tired, despite all the coffee he drank. He wanted to just lay in bed, and stay there all day. But instead he tried to read a book. Well, he at least tried to pretend he was reading, while his mind wandered. He jumped at even the smallest sound, and his mind seemed scattered and unfocused. At some point he stopped pretending to read, and just laid down in his bed. Gideon saw Reid's behavior. He was worried about him. Gideon knew he needed to find ways to reach out to him, and help calm him.

So Gideon went into Spencer's room and spoke to him. "Spencer? I made lunch. You should come eat something." Spencer didn't even look at Gideon as he answered. "I'm not hungry." Gideon sighed. "You need to eat something. Your body is still trying to gain back the nutrients that it's been lacking for the past several days. Come on, we can play a game of chess after."

Spencer finally turned his head to look at Gideon. He didn't want to move. Gideon went over to Spencer. There was a single tear running down his face, his eyes seemed empty. "Come on kid, You gotta get up. If you sleep all day, you won't be able to sleep later." Spencer forced himself to get up. He followed Gideon to the table and halfheartedly ate part of a sandwich, and a little soup. Gideon got him to play 3 games of chess, which seemed to help Spencer feel better. He managed to beat Gideon in a game. Which made him feel good. After they played chess, Spencer actually read two books, before dinner. After dinner, he went to bed. It was early, only 8:30pm. But Gideon let it go. If Spencer wanted to rest, he could. Spencer took off his shirt, and changed into sweatpants before crawling into bed.


	12. Chapter 12

2 hours later Gideon walked by the guest room to go to bed himself. He stopped when he heard a noise from Spencer's room. Spencer was crying. Not loudly. But Gideon could still hear him. So Gideon went into the room and crouched down next to Spencer's bed. Spencer was facing Gideon, laying on his side, crying. Spencer saw Gideon and choked out the words: "I - didn't - want to do that, Gideon. I didn't want to talk about it-" He continued to cry. Gideon gently held Spencer's hand. "I know, kid. It's gonna be okay. I'm here." Spencer cried for a while, every so often talking about his scattered thoughts. Gideon stayed by him, and slowly help him process his thoughts and feelings, by talking to him calmly. At some point, Spencer stopped crying, and then soon after drifted off to sleep.

A few hours later, Gideon got out of bed to go to the bathroom. He checked on Spencer when he walked past his room. Gideon saw Spencer shaking slightly. He thought Spencer was having a bad dream, but when he got closer he saw that he wasn't shaking - He was shivering. He was cold. Spencer only had a sheet cover on. His arms were close to his body. His teeth chattering slightly. Gideon slowly and carefully pulled a warm cover over Spencer. He made sure he didn't wake him. Spencer pulled the cover tighter around his body while he was sleeping: He stopped shaking. Gideon kept his door cracked. He himself got sleep as well. When he got up a second time to use the bathroom, he check on Spencer again. He was groaning in pain. His face twisted in discomfort. He was having a bad dream. "Spencer. Wake up." Spencer woke up suddenly. Gasping for air. "Hey, it's okay. It's just a dream." Spencer rubbed his eyes.

"Sorry was I screaming? Did I wake you?" Gideon shook his head. "No. I was up. You weren't screaming. You were in pain." Spencer sat up. "Do you want to talk about it?" He shook his head. "There's nothing to talk about. I had a nightmare about what I went through. There's nothing more to say." Gideon nodded as he sat on the edge of the bed. "That's understandable. You went through a trauma." Gideon paused. Then Spencer asked. "Do you think I'll ever feel okay again? Do you think I'll ever get back to normal?" Gideon smiled. "Yes. I have full confidence you'll be okay. I also think that trauma has a way of changing people. But you'll find a way to crawl back to a new normal. That is similar and different all at once." Spencer nodded slightly. He wasn't sure he could believe him. Gideon left him alone soon after. Once again he found sleep.

2 weeks worth of time went by. Spencer went to his counseling sessions twice a week as requested. At first he was completely resistant to talking about his feelings and what went on in his head. He didn't want to be there and try to process his emotions. But each session she gained his trust a little more, and each week he opened up a little more, and talked about what happened. She saw him making huge improvements. She told him how to get through the painful memories and how to deal with the aftermath of PTSD and how to get through his feelings of being raped. It was a process. They took their time. It seemed to be working.

7 days after staying with Gideon they found Ace. They arrested him. Then Spencer went back to his own apartment. JJ told him how he would have to testify in court against Ace. Which he knew, because Hotch called him. Spencer told her: "I'll make sure he stays locked up for a long time." JJ then told Spencer. "He's already going to prison. Question is how long. Or if he get's the death penalty." Spencer nodded. "JJ, are you testifying tomorrow?" She sighed. "No. I already did while you were in the hospital. But I'll still be there tomorrow to support you. You ready?" Spencer nodded. "As ready as I'll ever be."

The next day

Spencer went into court the next day. He saw Ace Dyer, he felt a pain in his stomach. He hated the sight of him. Made him feel sick.

 _ _Bastard. I promise, if it's up to me, you'll spend the rest of your life rotting in a cell. I swear it.__

Ace testified. He admitted to the judge that he did all the things Spencer and JJ said he did: Kidnap of federal agents, rape, torture and attempted murder of a federal agent. He denied any involvement in asking for government secrets. Technically he didn't: His partner did. When Spencer went to the stand, he had to swear to tell the truth, and nothing but the truth. He sat down.

"Is your name Spencer Reid?" He nodded.

"Yes." The man then asked him.

"Did Ace Dryer do everything you and Jennifer claimed."

"Yes he did. He admitted it. You heard him." Spencer said in the calmest way he could. The man then asked him: "Yes. He did admit guilt. But let me ask you something. He tortured you. This we all know. The evidence is on your skin. How long did he torture you?"

"He torture me for hours." Spencer said dryly. "Hours? Are you sure?" The man asked him. "Yes. If you want a more technical answer: I was tortured a total of 5 hours and 42 minutes. It was brutal, and before you say anything else, Sir. I can even tell you that out of those 5 hours and 42 minutes: I was tortured a total 4 hours and 12 minutes, and raped a hour and a half. That Sir, is the truth. If you need further proof, I would recommend looking at the hospital documents." Spencer was fed up. It was starting to feel more like he was on trial. After several more rude and stupid questions. He was finally asked: "If given the option, If you had to decide if this man should go to prison for life, or receive the death penalty: What would you decide for this man?" Spencer look at Ace in the eyes and then said: "Ace deserves life in prison." The man seemed surprised. "Why did you pick that choice? Wouldn't death be the worse punishment?"

Spencer shook his head. "No. If he got the death penalty, he would be getting off easy. Death would be too good for him. Because it would end everything in a matter of moments. However life in prison, is a far worse sentence. He deserves to suffer years rotting in a cell, after all he did to me and Jennifer, he deserves to suffer for years. I would rather him suffer the wrath of hell in prison for years to come, then for him to suffer the wrath of hell in the after life. The way I see it, He'll go to hell at some point. But it doesn't have to be anytime soon."

The man looked at Spencer and said: "That seems like a very cold and almost heartless thing to say." Spencer shook his head again. "It's not. I could understand why you would think that, Sir. If I was in your shoes, I might think the same thing. However the only people in this room who really understands what it's like to go through the hell and agony of brutal torture is JJ and I. You don't know what that's like. You don't know what it's like to be tortured for what feels like countless hours. It's unimaginable hell. So please, stop acting like you do. Cause you have no idea. Also note that this man-" Spencer pointed at Ace. "- Not only tortured me for hours, but he also laughed while doing so. He enjoyed every moment of my pain. My screams were music to his ears. So trust me when I say: He deserves life in prison."

After Spencer's testament. Ace Dyer was sentenced to life in prison. JJ gave him a huge hug after. "You did well." She told him. He nodded. "How is your counseling sessions going?" Spencer looked at her. "It's difficult. But helpful overall. She told me I'm making good progress. That I'm improving, but I'm not sure I believe her. It's still painful." JJ nodded. "Of course it is. But you really are doing better, I can tell. My last session was 4 days ago." Spencer looked at her. "Your done with your 4 weeks already?" JJ nodded. "Yeah. I had one session a week for 4 weeks." Spencer looked at her slightly confused. "Oh. I've had two sessions a week for 4 weeks. Well I have 2 more weeks yet."

She smiled then. "So you'll be back to work in 3 weeks?" Spencer responded. "Yeah." JJ smiled even bigger. "That's great!" Spencer couldn't wait to get back to work. He was bored at home alone.


	13. Chapter 13

2 weeks later.

Spencer's trauma counselor had a meeting with Hotch and some of the higher ups in the FBI, and the bureau: To discuss Spencer's progress and results of his therapy. Spencer waited outside in the hallway anxiously. She told them how he has improved in leaps and bounds. "He is still working through the trauma, and still has night terrors. But he is processing everything quite well, considering what he went through. He has had some difficulties dealing with the emotions relating to his trauma. But I think he is doing well. He has told me about his desire to get back to work. I think working would be good for him at this point in time." Hotch listened then asked: "So you are giving him the okay to return to work?" She nodded. "Yes. I am." Then Hotch asked: "Is there any limits we should know about? Anything that he should avoid doing? Things he may find difficult?" The bureau, and FBI higher ups waited for a answer. "Not that I can think of. I would say, If you see him struggling with something or a certain situation, then I would suggest maybe asking him about it, or maybe giving him a moment, to deal with it. I would think you would know how to properly deal with the situation if it arises." With that the meeting ended, papers were signed, and everyone flowed out of the room. Walking pass Spencer. Hotch came out of the room last. Spencer stood. "Well? What did they say?" Hotch shook Spencer's hand. He gave Spencer one of is rare smiles. "You can return to work tomorrow. Don't be late." Spencer smiled bigger then he has in a long time. "I won't! Thank you!"

The next day Spencer came back to work. Everyone greeted him. He greeted them back. Walking into the BAU felt good. Garcia gave him a huge hug. She squeezed him a little too tight. "Garcia, - your - hurting me." He told her, but he was smiling. She pulled away. "Oh! I'm so sorry!" He smiled. "It's okay." Everyone seem to smile. JJ called everyone into the meeting room. Spencer made sure to get coffee before they did. Morgan looked at him. "What is that?" Spencer looked confused. "It's coffee." Morgan shook his head. "Didn't I tell you, you were cut off?" Spencer looked stunned. "Yeah. For a day. Not the rest of my life!" JJ looked at them both as they sat down. "Are you done?" She asked. "Yes." Spencer said. Morgan laughed mildly.

"There was a kidnapping in Washington state. High school student Cassie Brookes. Age 18. She went missing yesterday." Morgan then asked. "Why are we being called in?" Hotch answered. "There is a pattern of missing person reports in the area within the last two months. A few bodies have just turned up. It's now being treated as linked." Reid then asked. "How old are the bodies?" JJ spoke: "The three victims were reported missing a week ago." Spencer then said: "3 bodies officially makes our unsub a serial killer." Hotch nodded. "Yes, and he's just getting started. Wheels up in 20. Pack your go bags." On the way to the location, Spencer pointed out the similarities between the victims. He pointed out the physical appearance between them. They were glad Spencer was back. They sat for awhile. Hotch gave them jobs. He gave Spencer, Morgan, and Emily the job of interviewing the three witnesses. The two friends of Cassie, and her boyfriend. Hotch had a witness picked out for each of them. Morgan was going to interview the boyfriend. Spencer and Emily would each talk to one of her friends. Once they were done, he would send them out into the field. JJ would go to the crime scene with Rossi and Hotch would go to the station with Spencer, Emily, and Morgan to gather information from the police chef.

When they landed they went straight to the police station. The police set up a space for them to work. Morgan and Emily were told who they would be talking to by name, and told them they were each in their own interrogation room. Spencer asked Hotch. "Where is my witness?" Hotch answered, slightly distracted by the file he was given. "They only have two interrogation rooms. Emily and Morgan are going to talk to their witnesses first. The moment one of them finishes, we'll send in your witness, and then you can go in and talk to her." Spencer nodded. "Is she here?" Hotch nodded and pointed her out. Spencer saw her. She was in a plain black shirt and ripped black skinny jeans. She had bright red boots. Her hair was dark brown and was long. She had it in a high pony tail, With long strands of hair hanging to the sides of her face. "Her name is Lexi Smith. She is close friends with the victim."

About 20 minutes later Morgan finished talking to his witness. He left and Morgan started telling Hotch what he learned. Then Lexi was brought to the empty room for Spencer. He went in the room a few minutes later, and closed the door.

"Hey Lexi. My name is Dr. Spencer Reid, I'm with the FBI, I wanted to ask you some questions about you and your friend Cassie." She made a face.

"So now the FBI suddenly cares about Cassie?" Spencer watched her behavior. Then Lexi said. "You look too young to be in the FBI. What's your job anyway?" Spencer grinned slightly. "I'm a profiler in the BAU, which is the Behavior Analysis Unit. I study human behavior and use what we learn to catch the bad guys." Then Spencer asked her: "Why would you think we don't care?" Lexi answered.

"It's been 2 days, and your only showing up now? Yeah. If you really cared you would have showed up sooner." Spencer looked at her. "We were told she went missing yesterday. How long has it actually been since she went missing?" Lexi rolled her eyes. "2 days ago." Spencer shook his head. "No. I mean what time 2 days ago?" Lexi sighed. "I don't know. Like 1 or 2pm? She was gonna meet me at the mall at 12:30pm. But never showed. The report was filed yesterday." She seemed sad.

"How close are you and Cassie?" Lexi looked down at her hands. "She's my best friend, we're like sisters. Known each other since 4th grade. We're almost inseparable." Then Spencer said. "So you would know if there were any new people in her life. Maybe a stranger, or someone you've never seen before? Someone that may have looked like they didn't belong." Lexi shook her head. "No, there wasn't. I mean we would go to parties and guys would hit on us, and sometimes we would flirt with them, but we never saw them after. It was just a little fun."

Spencer nodded. "What did you both do at these parties?" He saw her quickly cover her arms by crossing her arms. He saw scars along her arms. She cuts herself?

"Nothing really. We would dance and drink - soda! Yeah we would drink soda." Spencer looked at her.

"Soda? So your telling me there was no beer or some other form of alcohol at this party? So a butch of high school aged teenagers gather at a party just to drink soda? Listen Lexi, It's very important your honest about everything that happened at this party, and everything else that may have happened in your lives. This is a police investigation. We need to know so we can find your friend." She stared at Spencer.

 _ _Who is this guy?__


	14. Chapter 14

He spoke again: "I'm not here to bust you for underage drinking, I'm here to help find Cassie." She sighed. "Fine. Okay. Yes, we did drink a little beer, but it was only two. I swear." Spencer then asked. "Did she smoke or use tobacco products? Or any other drugs?" Lexi answered. "Only I did. She wouldn't touch that stuff. She's smart."

Spencer then asked her. "Lexi, don't take this the wrong way, But why do you cut?" She looked shocked.

"Are you freaking kidding me? Are you really asking me that? You know, that's funny coming from you." Spencer looked at her.

"How so?" She pointed at the scars on his arms.

"Why do you cut __yourself__ , Dr. Spencer Reid?" There was ice in her tone.

Everyone standing behind the glass outside the room held their breath. Hotch was just thinking about how he had no idea, that he gave the most sassy, and rude witness to Spencer. He gave them witnesses at random. He was starting to think that maybe someone else on the team could be better equipped to deal with Lexi. But it was too late to do anything about it now.

Spencer put his arm face up on the table, so his forearm was showing. Even everyone watching outside the room could clearly see all the scars. Spencer then looked at her and calmly and casually said:

"Oh, I didn't do this to myself." Lexi looked confused.

"What? You didn't? Then who did?" She asked full of attitude. Spencer answered carefully.

"Well… some bad guys, took me away in the middle of the night. They asked me for classified information, when I refused to tell them, they cut me."

There was a beat. Lexi looked at him. She suddenly had a sad look in her eyes and seemed stunned. "You were kidnapped? And tortured?" Spencer nodded rolling up his sleeves a little more. "Yes." He saw a tear in her eye. "They cut you?" Her voice sounded hurt. Like she was holding back tears.

He nodded. "They did more than that, and it wasn't just my arms. It was the single worse event of my life." She stared at his arm. She put her own arm face up on the table. She studied his scars, and compared them to her own. Then she asked him with a tear running down her face. "How old are you?" Spencer answered. "25." She covered her mouth. Realizing he was only 6 years older than her. "How long ago did that happen to you?" She asked. She saw that they were fairly new. Like they just healed. "6 weeks ago." Her heart skipped a beat. She was crying.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry." She said as the tears fell down her face. "It's okay. It wasn't your fault. You didn't know." She spoke through tears in a choked up voice, while wiping her tears away.

"You must hate me." Spencer shook his head.

"No. I don't hate you. I just don't understand why anyone would hurt themselves. Because I never had a choice in the matter. I never had the option."

He had a tear in his eye. She was still crying. That truth hit her hard. She got up and gave him a hug crying. He typically didn't like being touched by strangers, but made an exception. He gave her a one armed hug back. "It's okay. Don't cry." She let him go and sat back down.

"Sorry."

"No, need to say sorry. You didn't do anything wrong." She pulled herself together. "I do this, because I deserve to be punished." She said. Everyone watching outside the room, was tearing up watching the scene unfold. They have all seen insane things in their line of work. But this was different. They never seen anything this powerful happen in that room before. Spencer looked at her. "Why do you think that?" She started crying again. "Because I'm a horrible person. I've been so cruel to others, and rude to my mom, I'm selfish, and it's my fault my father died!" Spencer looked confused. "Your dad died in a car accident. A drunk driver hit him. That wasn't your fault. You had no control over that." Lexi looked at him. "You don't understand. He was never suppose to be on the road that night. He was driving that night because I snuck out of the house and my car broke down. I asked him to come get me. It's my fault!" Spencer looked at her. "Lexi, look at me. Your dad's death was not your fault. You got to stop blaming yourself. Your not the only one who has done bad things. I've done terrible things and I forgave myself."

She looked at him. "How do I do that?" Her voice quivered. "Do what?"

"Forgive myself." She clarified. Spencer looked at her. "Forgiveness is a choice. You choose to forgive others, including yourself. So I would start there. After that it should get easier." Lexi stared at him. She understood him in a way. His words touched her and melted away the hate she felt. Could she really just chose to forgive herself? Would the pain go away? After another 15 minutes, Spencer was able to get all the info they needed. After two days they found the Unsub and Cassie alive. They arrested the unsub. He went to jail.

After talking to Spencer, Lexi quit cutting herself. It's strange. There was never a defining moment where she decided to stop harming herself. There was no written or silent promise to herself not to cut herself. No. She just stopped. And never started again. It was like she didn't need to bleed to feel okay. To feel better. There was no desperate desire to bleed out the pain she felt. The only thing she did do was choice to forgive herself. She hoped in time others would forgive her too.

There are no perfect or happy endings. If you are told otherwise, then it's likely you were lied to. Because life is not always good, or even happy. This life has trials, heartbreak, and pain. And sometimes we struggle to see the light when there is so much darkness. But you can chose to see beauty in the darkness. To find that one shattered and broken piece of hope that was left behind. Cause you can always find the good in the darkest places, and light in places that have never been touched by the sun's warmth.

Yes, there are no perfect or happy endings. Though we like to think there are happily ever afters in this life. However we chose to be honest. To recognize that, yes, there is darkness, But it doesn't have to consume us.

In Lexi's case: She got closer to a happy ending than anyone else. She ended up pouring herself into helping people who hurt or harm themselves. She also helps those who suffer from depression. She helped save lives. Because someone helped save her own life. Because at the end of the day: Not everyone can choice what kind of pain they get to live through, and she was no exception.

THE END


End file.
